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Does personality describe the person? To what extent do you agree? v.2

Does personality describe the person? v. 2
A person’s personality determines how they will behave in a particular situation. Some people have a sunny disposition. They spread joy wherever they go. Some are always moody and anyone who interacts with them may find themselves affected by their negativity. In my opinion, nature certainly describes a person because it is the outward display of our character, values, likes and dislikes. People may be able to fake their emotions. For example, someone who is jealous of your success may actually hide that emotion and try to appear happy for you. Psyche, however, cannot be faked that easily. It defines you. For instance, it is nearly impossible for an introvert human to conduct himself as an extrovert. Introverts are happy within their cocoons and have little inclination to socialize with others. They may show high levels of loyalty to the few people in their life. They may also possess higher levels of creativity and imagination because of their ability to explore the world inside. They may also make great thinkers or writers. Extroverts, on the other hand, have an outgoing personality. Therefore, they are crowd pullers and make excellent leaders. They make friends wherever they go and have an agreeable disposition. Some people have an altruistic personality. They find happiness in helping others. They have a spiritual bent of mind and may even come across as unworldly. They inspire many people around them and may even have a decent following. It is nearly impossible for an altruistic character to cheat or hurt others. This nature trait makes them highly valued and respected members of the society. Often times, they put others’ interests above theirs and their family may dislike this trait of them. In conclusion, the nature of a human provides an accurate description of their character. By simply analysing the psyche, we can determine whether somebody is selfish, dependable, sociable or aloof.
A person’s personality determines how they will behave in a particular situation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have a sunny disposition. They spread joy wherever they go.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
are always moody and anyone who interacts with them may find themselves
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by their negativity. In my opinion, nature
certainly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describes
a person
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it is the outward display of our character, values, likes and dislikes.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
may be able to fake their emotions.
For example
, someone who is jealous of your success may actually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hide
that emotion and try to appear happy for you. Psyche,
however
, cannot
be faked
that
easily
. It defines you.
For instance
, it is
nearly
impossible for an introvert human to conduct himself as an extrovert. Introverts are happy within their cocoons and have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
inclination to socialize with others. They may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
high levels of loyalty to the few
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in their life. They may
also
possess higher levels of creativity and imagination
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their ability to explore the world inside.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
They
may
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
great thinkers or writers. Extroverts, on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, have an outgoing personality.
Therefore
, they are crowd pullers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
excellent leaders. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
make
friends wherever they go and have an agreeable disposition.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have an altruistic personality. They find happiness in helping others. They have a spiritual bent of mind and may even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
across as
unworldly
.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
They
inspire
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
around them and may even have a decent following. It is
nearly
impossible for an altruistic character to cheat or hurt others. This nature trait
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
makes
them
highly
valued and respected members of the society.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Often
times, they put others’ interests above theirs and their family may dislike this trait of them.

In conclusion
, the nature of a human provides an accurate description of their character. By
simply
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysing' is British English.
analysing
the psyche, we can determine whether somebody is selfish, dependable, sociable or aloof.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay Does personality describe the person? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
313 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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