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Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advatages of charging people for admission to museums owutweigh the disadvantages? v. 148 v.38

Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advatages of charging people for admission to museums owutweigh the disadvantages? v. 148 v. 38
These days, the question of whether people have to buy museums’ entrance tickets or not has been receiving a great deal of public attention. While I accept that museum admission fees have both benefits and drawbacks, I would argue that this phenomenon bears more disadvantages than advantages. On the one hand, there are important benefits for museums when visitors are charged. One of the advantages is that museums have more budgets to give a boost to museums’ service quality. This means that in the light of admission revenue earning from entrance tickets, they might escalate significant investment in facilities, redecorate or even approach with cutting-edge technologies to make exhibits more attractive throughout audio and visual effects. Furthermore, most museums are public-funded/ state-funded so the higher the admission revenue is earned, the greater proportion of the state’s definite budget can be poured into other fields such as infrastructure, health care services. If art enthusiasts enter museums without fees, other public facilities like stadiums, zoo, also need to be free, it seems to be impractical. On the other hand, I believe that there are some drawbacks, which outweigh these benefits. The principal reason for this view is that museum, which charges a fee are likely to reduce their public because museum-lovers have a wide range of options to gain knowledge from museums. In fact, in the 21 century, with the industrial revolution and technology age, people can straightforwardly acquire information collections of priceless antiques and artefacts by a wifi-enabled device without a fee of charge. Secondly, if museums charge the amount of money, the contributions of museums for education may decline and it can have a negative influence on vulnerable art-lover such as children, poor. For example, in Ha Giang province, which located in northern Vietnam, it is significantly challenging for local students to go to school, let alone spend money on visiting museums. In conclusion, although charging people for admission has some benefits, I argue that the disadvantages of this free outweigh the advantages.
These days,
Wordiness: Consider shortening this phrase.
the question of whether
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums’
entrance tickets or not has been receiving a great deal of public attention. While I accept that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admission
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
have both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
and drawbacks, I would argue that this phenomenon bears more disadvantages than advantages.

On the one hand, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
when visitors
are charged
. One of the advantages is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
have more budgets to give a boost to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums’
service quality. This means that in the light of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admission
revenue earning from entrance tickets, they might escalate significant investment in facilities, redecorate or even approach with cutting-edge technologies to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
exhibits more attractive throughout audio and visual effects.
Furthermore
, most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
are public-funded/ state-funded
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the higher the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admission
revenue
is earned
, the greater proportion of the state’s
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
definite
budget can
be poured
into other fields such as infrastructure, health care services. If art enthusiasts enter
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fees
, other public facilities like stadiums, zoo,
also
need to be free, it seems to be impractical.

On the other hand
, I believe that there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
drawbacks, which outweigh these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
. The principal reason for this view is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museum
, which charges a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
are likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
their public
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
museum-lovers have a wide range of options to gain knowledge from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
. In fact, in the
Did you mean "21st century"?
21 century
, with the industrial revolution and technology age,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
can
straightforwardly
acquire information collections of priceless antiques and
Possible spelling mistake. 'artefacts' is British English.
artefacts
by a
Possible spelling mistake found.
wifi-enabled
device without a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
fee
of charge.
Secondly
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
charge the amount of money, the contributions of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
museums
for education may decline and it can have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influence on vulnerable art-lover such as children, poor.
For example
, in Ha
Possible spelling mistake found.
Giang
province, which located in northern Vietnam, it is
significantly
challenging for local students to go to school,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
alone spend money on visiting museums.

In conclusion
, although charging
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
admission
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
benefits
, I argue that the disadvantages of this free outweigh the advantages.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes
Learn a new language and get a new soul.
Czech Proverb

IELTS essay Many museums charge for admission while others are free. Do you think the advatages of charging people for admission to museums owutweigh the disadvantages? v. 148 v. 38

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
333 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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