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Describe someone in your family who you like. You should say: •How this person is related to you•What this person looks like•What kind of person he/she is•And explain why you like this person v.1

Describe someone in your family who you like. You should say: •How this person is related to you•What this person looks like•What kind of person he/she is•And explain why you like this person v. 1
Some believe that wealth is imperative to have a blissful life while others think happiness is a state of mind and it is not affected by any amount of riches. However, in my opinion, money might not bring joy all the time but, without money there is no joy as well. This essay describes why money is dispensable at times and what are the other factors that lead to ultimate beatitude in human life. Firstly, we cannot disregard the essence of wealth in this materialistic world and it’s not wrong to say that money and enjoyment go hand in hand. For instance, it is so important that we secure our unseen future risks by insurances by paying premiums. Furthermore, it is often observed that people prefer shopping, travelling and other expensive hobbies for their pleasure. Thus, without riches, it is arduous to live a life of dreams and fantasies to the fullest. Secondly, happiness is precious which cannot be bought by any amount of riches. People with beautiful minds and sound health are far richer than any wealthy man irrespective of their monetary worth. To exemplify, it has been found that people from underdeveloped countries are happier than most of the westerners. In my opinion, the real contentment is influenced by many intangible factors such as a loving family, physical and mental health and knowledge. The rush you get from such agents is one of the best parts of being human, and most of the time the financial cost is minimal. In a nutshell, money might play a vital role in promoting joy and pleasure in human life, but, it is not the only factor. The more we dig into the real happiness in our life, the lesser the role of money, materialism, and spending occupies.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe that wealth is imperative to have a blissful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
while others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
happiness is a state of mind and it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
by any amount of riches.
However
, in my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
might not bring joy all the time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, without
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
there is no joy
as well
. This essay
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
describes
why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is dispensable at times and what are the other factors that lead to ultimate beatitude in human life.

Firstly
, we cannot disregard the essence of wealth in this materialistic world and it’s not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
to say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and enjoyment go hand in hand.
For instance
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
that we secure our unseen future
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
by insurances by paying premiums.
Furthermore
, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
observed that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer shopping, travelling and other expensive hobbies for their pleasure.
Thus
, without riches, it is arduous to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of dreams and fantasies to the fullest.

Secondly
, happiness is precious which cannot be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bought
by any amount of riches.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
minds and sound health are far richer than any wealthy
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
irrespective of their monetary worth. To exemplify, it has
been found
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from underdeveloped countries are happier than most of the westerners.

In my opinion, the real contentment
is influenced
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
intangible factors such as a loving family, physical and mental health and knowledge. The rush you
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
from such agents is one of the best parts of being human, and most of the time the financial cost is minimal.

In a nutshell,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
might play a vital role in promoting joy and pleasure in human
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, it is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
factor. The more we dig into the real happiness in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, the lesser the role of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
, materialism, and spending occupies.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Describe someone in your family who you like. You should say: •How this person is related to you•What this person looks like•What kind of person he/she is•And explain why you like this person v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
296 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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