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Doctors should be responsible for educating their patients about how to improve their health. Do you agree with this? v.2

Doctors should be responsible for educating their patients about how to improve their health. Do you agree with this? v. 2
Nowadays, the question of whether physicians should be responsible for educating their patients on how to improve their health or not has been receiving a great deal of public attention. Although this issue is caused by many reasons, there are not without workable solutions for that. There are convincing reasons why doctors should take responsibility for tailor advice to the patient. First, since physicians have to go through the process of qualified education and training, their advice will more reliable than any source of information. In fact, physicians have been at least 6 years of academic training about their major such as diagnosis, treatment, which helps them the knowledge of medicine to give careful advice. Second, by searching for information curative online, patients able to put them in danger. This means that the source of information on the Internet are often misleading or bad advice, which makes worsen their health situations. Nevertheless, the disadvantage of the trend should be taken into account more. First, since the number of patients will always be great than the doctor, for the examination to be completed for all patients registered in a day, the hospital will have a team of consultants to replace the doctor consultation process. For example, after receiving a medical report from the doctor, they will bring to the counselor’s room, where the counselor will have time to explain and provide good measures and treatments for the patients, especially, the counselors will be trained intensively to be able to read and understand the information, medical record of patients such as doctors, which helps patients to better understand their health. Second, if doctors have to do many things at the same time, it will affect the quality of work go down. This means that a doctor has to examine many patients in a day, they will not have enough time to be able to advise carefully because it takes so long, the doctor will have to examine other waiting patients, thus will affect the patients’ health results are not good. In conclusion, I disagree with this issue as doctors are experienced and gain training about patient care. By playing an indispensable role improve patients’ fitness
Nowadays,
Wordiness: Consider shortening this phrase.
the question of whether
physicians should be responsible for educating their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patients
on how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
or not has been receiving a great deal of public attention. Although this issue
is caused
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
reasons, there are not without
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
workable
solutions for that.

There are convincing reasons why
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
should take responsibility for tailor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advice
to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patient
.
First
, since physicians
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
go through the process of qualified education and training, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advice
will more reliable than any source of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
. In fact, physicians have been at least 6 years of academic training about their major such as diagnosis, treatment, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them the knowledge of medicine to give careful
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advice
. Second, by searching for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
curative online,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patients
able to put them in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
danger
. This means that the source of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
on the Internet are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
misleading or
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advice
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
worsen their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
situations.

Nevertheless
, the disadvantage of the trend should
be taken
into account more.
First
, since the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patients
will always be
Use "greater" to make a comparison with this adjective.
great
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
, for the examination to
be completed
for all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patients
registered in a day, the hospital will have a team of consultants to replace the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
consultation process.
For example
, after receiving a medical report from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
, they will bring to the counselor’s room, where the counselor will have time to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
and provide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
measures and treatments for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patients
,
especially
, the counselors will
be trained
intensively
to be able to read and understand the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
, medical record of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patients
such as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patients
to better understand their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
. Second, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
things at the same time, it will affect the quality of work go down. This means that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
examine
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patients
in a day, they will not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to be able to advise
carefully
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it takes
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
long, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
will
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
examine other waiting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patients
,
thus
will affect the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patients’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
results are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
.

In conclusion
, I disagree with this issue as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
are experienced
and gain training about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patient
care. By playing an indispensable role
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
patients’
Please add a punctuation mark at the end of paragraph
fitness
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
34Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Change your language and you change your thoughts.
Karl Albrecht

IELTS essay Doctors should be responsible for educating their patients about how to improve their health. Do you agree with this? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
362 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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