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There is a disagreement on the impact of increased business and culture contact between countries on a country's identity. What is your opinion? v.2

There is a disagreement on the impact of increased business and culture contact between countries on a country's identity. What is your opinion? v. 2
One of the most conspicuous trends in the 21st century is a closer connection between countries, in both economic and cultural aspects. There is a widespread worry that this will lead to the gradual demise of countries' identities. This Issue should be viewed and analysed from multiple perspectives. When a country tends to develop a closer relationship with the rest of the world, it does not necessarily give up its culture. Culture is not a disgrace to but an asset of a country. Indigenous culture can distinguish one country from others, attracting foreign visitors and yielding a high income. As most tourists travel abroad for learning different cultures and sampling different ways of life, such as Beijing opera in China. Japanese tea culture and Thai temples, many countries have responded by protecting and preserving their cultural identities, in an effort to keep themselves in the list of the most popular destinations. Increased tourism instils fresh life force into these countries, aiding the conservation of their features. While tourism provides a driving force for cultural conversation, some components of a culture, such as traditions, customs or taboos might die out over time. It seems that in some countries, the locals have become more accustomed to exotic cultures. It reflects the combined effects of the invasion of foreign cultures, either through media or through direct business interaction. For example, two decades ago, sex was a taboo subject in China and most Chinese people felt embarrassed to talk openly about it. Over time the Western culture has permeated into the Chinese lifestyle, and the Chinese people have broken many of their time-honoured traditions. It occurs in the rest of the world as well. As outlined above, increased interaction between countries in the domains of business and culture can either strengthen or undermine the identities of the countries involved. To date, there is no definite answer to this question.
One of the most conspicuous trends in the 21st century is a closer
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
connection between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, in both economic and cultural aspects. There is a widespread worry that this will lead to the gradual demise of countries' identities. This Issue should
be viewed
and
Possible spelling mistake. 'analysed' is British English.
analysed
from multiple perspectives.

When a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
tends to develop a closer relationship with the rest of the world, it does not
necessarily
give up its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Culture
is not a disgrace to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
an asset of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. Indigenous
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
can distinguish one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
from others, attracting foreign visitors and yielding a high income. As most tourists travel abroad for learning
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
and sampling
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways of life, such as Beijing opera in China. Japanese tea
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
and Thai temples,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
have responded by protecting and preserving their cultural identities, in an effort to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
themselves in the list of the most popular destinations. Increased tourism
Possible spelling mistake. 'instils' is British English.
instils
fresh life force into these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, aiding the conservation of their features.

While tourism provides a driving force for cultural conversation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
components of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
, such as traditions, customs or taboos might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
die
out over time. It seems that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
, the locals have become more accustomed to exotic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
. It reflects the combined effects of the invasion of foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cultures
, either through media or through direct business interaction.
For example
, two decades ago, sex was a taboo subject in China and most Chinese
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
felt embarrassed to talk
openly
about it. Over time the Western
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
has permeated into the Chinese lifestyle, and the Chinese
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have broken
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of their
Possible spelling mistake found.
time-honoured
traditions. It occurs in the rest of the world
as well
.

As outlined above, increased interaction between
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in the domains of business and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
culture
can either strengthen or undermine the identities of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
involved. To date, there is no
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
definite
answer to this question.
2Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
19Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay There is a disagreement on the impact of increased business and culture contact between countries on a country's identity. What is your opinion? v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
315 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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