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Today, most people get married and gave birth in their thirties rather than when they are younger. Is this a positive or negative development? v.1

Today, most people get married and gave birth in their thirties rather than when they are younger. Is this a positive or negative development? v. 1
Getting married is considered a very important part of our life, nowadays a colossal number of people prefer to get married and give birth in their thirties and not at their career building age. Is it not a matter of concern for the society? In my opinion, it is more beneficial to get married at an early stage of life of an individual and the society as well. To begin with, it is widely acknowledged that couples who get married in their twenties, tend to share a more effective bond with their spouse and the entire family. Firstly, at an early age, both parties will not be that mature and can easily adapt the rituals and habits of the other person. Secondly, it is not very difficult to get engaged or to shape a relation because there is no space for ego. Lastly, giving birth at a young age is extremely boon for a woman as it reduces the risk of health issues. Going through the process of pregnancy and later giving birth at the age of thirties can strike to various medical calls. However, in modern-day-society, present generation gives more weightage to their career goals wherein they desire to focus in building their professional life. Moreover, they consider their early life, the age of constructing the blocks to stand a building. They assume early marriage and childbirth, a waste of their qualification and young energy. Furthermore, they are not aware of the consequences, they will face because of giving more preference to career and non ability to maintain a balance between marriage and career. To conclude, I believe that getting into the sacred bond of marriage and giving birth to the sunshine and star of the family at an early age is an appropriate decision.
Getting married
is considered
a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
part of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, nowadays a colossal number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married and give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birth
in their thirties and not at their career building
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. Is it not a matter of concern for the society? In my opinion, it is more beneficial to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married at an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
stage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
of an individual and the society
as well
.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is
widely
acknowledged that couples who
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
married in their twenties, tend to share a more effective bond with their spouse and the entire family.
Firstly
, at an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, both parties will not be that mature and can
easily
adapt the rituals and habits of the other person.
Secondly
, it is not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
engaged or to shape a relation
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is no space for ego.
Lastly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birth
at a young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is
extremely
boon for a woman as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduces
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of health issues. Going through the process of pregnancy and later
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birth
at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of thirties can strike to various medical calls.

However
, in modern-day-society, present generation gives more weightage to their career goals wherein they desire to
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "focus".
focus in
building their professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
Moreover
, they consider their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of constructing the blocks to stand a building. They assume
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
marriage and childbirth, a waste of their qualification and young energy.
Furthermore
, they are not aware of the consequences, they will face
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
giving
more preference to career and non ability to maintain a balance between marriage and career.

To conclude
, I believe that getting into the sacred bond of marriage and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
birth
to the sunshine and star of the family at an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
early
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
is an appropriate decision.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
23Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes

IELTS essay Today, most people get married and gave birth in their thirties rather than when they are younger. Is this a positive or negative development? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
296 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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