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Do you think that modern technology, such as the internet and computers will ever replace the book or the written word as the main source of information? v.9

Do you think that modern technology, such as the internet and computers will ever replace the book or the written word as the main source of information? v. 9
Technology has a great impact on our lives. Advancement in technology makes our lives easier than ever before. Internet; the most powerful source of information, is an extreme example for the advancement in technology. It helps us in many ways and in different fields. Moreover, our lives are completely dependent on it now. Advancement in technology resulted in inventing computers smaller in size and bigger in their storage capacity. Computers now can do a lot of tasks that were not possible 20 years back due to continuous development in their technology. Among these tasks that related to books and writing, computers can store a lot of books in a small file instead of keeping them on shelves. Furthermore, one can reach the needed information easily through simple computer's find function rather than keep searching for a large collection of books for several hours. I tend to see that it is the age of technology and we should gain its benefits four our sake. I believe that the internet has already replaced written books and newspapers as sources of information. Many people prefer to read electronic newspapers rather than buying them as well as they prefer internet search engines like Google and Yahoo! to obtain their information more than any other written source. In addition, many schools now are using laptops, iPads, tablets in their educational regimens. Students are encouraged to send their homework electronically to their teachers to be assessed rather than doing by classical method. Besides of that, computers' software provides spelling check and grammatical structures correction options that will aid people to write in different languages in an accurate way. Finally, in my opinion, countries should try to introduce computers more in their people's life due to its significant positive effects.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Technology
has a great impact on our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
. Advancement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
easier than ever
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. Internet; the most powerful source of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
, is an extreme example for the advancement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
us in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways and in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
fields.
Moreover
, our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
are completely dependent on it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.

Advancement in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
resulted in inventing computers
A more concise phrase may lose no meaning and sound more powerful.
smaller in size
and bigger in their storage capacity. Computers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
can do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
tasks that were not possible 20 years back due to continuous development in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
technology
. Among these tasks that related to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
and writing, computers can store
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
file
instead
of keeping them on shelves.
Furthermore
, one can reach the needed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
easily
through simple computer's find function
rather
than
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
searching for a large collection of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
for several hours.

I tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that it is the age of
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
technology and
we should gain its benefits four our sake. I believe that the internet has already replaced written
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
books
and newspapers as sources of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer to read electronic newspapers
rather
than buying them
as well
as they prefer internet search engines like Google and Yahoo!
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
to
obtain their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
information
more than any other written source.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
schools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
are using laptops, iPads, tablets in their educational regimens. Students
are encouraged
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
send
their homework
electronically
to their teachers to
be assessed
rather
than doing by classical method.
Besides
of that, computers' software provides spelling
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
and grammatical structures correction options that will aid
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to write in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
languages
Consider replacing "in an accurate way" with the adverb for "accurate"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in an accurate way
.

Finally
, in my opinion, countries should try to introduce computers more in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's life due to its significant
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects.
10Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
14Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Do you think that modern technology, such as the internet and computers will ever replace the book or the written word as the main source of information? v. 9

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
293 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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