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Do you think that modern technology, such as the internet and computers will ever replace the book or the written word as the main source of information? v.2

Do you think that modern technology, such as the internet and computers will ever replace the book or the written word as the main source of information? v. 2
Access to computers has increased significantly over recent decades, and the number of children playing games on computers has increased too. This essay will consider the positive and negative impacts of this and discuss ways to avoid the potential negative effects. With regards to the positive effects, playing computer games can develop children’s cognitive skills. Many popular games require abstract and high level thinking skills in order to win, skills that may not be taught at school. For example, children need to follow instructions, solve complex problems and use logic in many of the games that are currently popular. Such experience will be beneficial to a child’s progression into an adult. However, concerns have been raised about the prolific use of computer games by children, much of this related to the violence they contain. The problem is that in many of the games children are rewarded for being more violent, and this violence is repeated again and again. For instance, many games involve children helping their character to kill, kick, stab and shoot. This may lead to increased aggressive feelings, thoughts, and behaviours. In order to minimize these negative impacts, parents need to take certain steps. Firstly, some video games are rated according their content, so parents must check this and ensure their children are not allowed to have access to games that are unsuitable. Parents can also set limits on the length of time games are played. Finally, parents should also take an active interest in the games their children are playing so they can find out how they feel about what they are observing. To sum up, there are benefits of computer games, but there are disadvantages too. However, if parents take adequate precautions, the severity of these negative impacts can be avoided.
Access to computers has increased
significantly
over recent decades, and the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
playing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on computers has increased too. This essay will consider the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
impacts of this and discuss ways to avoid the potential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
effects.

Use "in regard to", "with regard to", or more simply "regarding".
With regards to
the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects, playing computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
can develop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
cognitive
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
require abstract and high level thinking
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
in order to win,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
that may not
be taught
at school.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
need to follow instructions, solve complex problems and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
logic in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
that are
currently
popular. Such experience will be beneficial to a child’s progression into an adult.

However
, concerns have
been raised
about the prolific
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, much of this related to the violence they contain. The problem is that in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are rewarded
for being more violent, and this violence is
Consider using "repeated".
repeated again
and again.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
involve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
helping their character to kill, kick, stab and shoot. This may lead to increased aggressive feelings, thoughts, and
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
.

In order to minimize these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
impacts,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
need to take certain steps.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
video
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are rated
according their content,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
this and ensure their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
allowed
to have access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
that are unsuitable.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Parents
can
also
set limits on the length of time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are played
.
Finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should
also
take an active interest in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are playing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
they can find out how they feel about what they are observing.

To sum up, there are benefits of computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
there are disadvantages too.
However
, if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
take adequate precautions, the severity of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
negative
impacts can
be avoided
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes

IELTS essay Do you think that modern technology, such as the internet and computers will ever replace the book or the written word as the main source of information? v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
295 words
6.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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