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Do you think it's a good idea for the school to record the lectures and put them onto the school's website? v.1

Do you think it's a good idea for the school to record the lectures and put them onto the school's website? v. 1
The researchers and the doctors plays a vital role in the society. Therefore, it is always debatable that whose role is more pivotal in the community. I personally think that both are important for us and have their own benefits which can't be ignored. This essay will discuss the same scenario using the examples of Oxford University research and Time Magazine survey to demonstrate the points and support the claims. On the one hand, inventors present new ideas to the people, which makes our lives easy. Furthermore, these scientists help nations to defend themselves strongly. For example, Oxford University in 2016 researched that scientists are necessary for our modern age, in order to save it from the collapse. So from this example, it is clear that researchers are the need of the society and their need can't be ignored. On the other hand, doctors help the society to breathe healthy and help to fight the diseases in the society. Additionally, without a doctor, there is a chance that community will stuck into health issues which they never see before. Similarly, a survey of Time Magazine in 2018 suggests the same story that 80% people favor that there would be at least one doctor in every society. So from this example, it is clear that doctors are supposed to be the integral parts of the society. To conclude, both researchers and doctors are beneficial for any nation. And based on the above analysis, it is clear that both play an equal role in the society building. In the future, if we give equal chance to work in any nation, we will see fruitful benefits of it.
The researchers and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
You should probably use "play".
plays
a vital role in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
Therefore
, it is always debatable that whose role is more pivotal in the community. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that both are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for us and have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
benefits which can't be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
. This essay will discuss the same scenario using the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
examples
of Oxford University research and Time Magazine survey to demonstrate the points and support the claims.

On the one hand, inventors present new
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
easy.
Furthermore
, these scientists
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
nations to defend themselves
strongly
. For
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, Oxford University in 2016 researched that scientists are necessary for our modern age, in order to save it from the collapse.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
from this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that researchers are the need of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and their need can't be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ignored
.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
to breathe healthy and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
to fight the diseases in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
Additionally
, without a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
, there is a chance that community will stuck into health issues which they never
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.
Similarly
, a survey of Time Magazine in 2018 suggests the same story that 80%
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
favor that there would be at least one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctor
in every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
from this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
example
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
are supposed
to be the integral parts of the society.

To conclude
, both researchers and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
doctors
are beneficial for any nation. And based on the above analysis, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that both play an equal role in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
building. In the future, if we give equal chance to work in any nation, we will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
fruitful benefits of it.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Do you think it's a good idea for the school to record the lectures and put them onto the school's website? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
275 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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