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Eating too much sugar is harmful for health. Some people think that it is government responsibility to limit people’s sugar consumption, while others think that it is individuals responsibility to limit the amount of sugar they eat. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.3

Eating too much sugar is harmful for health. Some people think that it is government responsibility to limit people’s sugar consumption, while others think that it is individuals responsibility to limit the amount of sugar they eat. v. 3
It thought by some that it is the responsibility of those in in authority to reduce the intake of sugary food by individuals, while others are of the view that individuals should be in control of their sugar intake. In my opinion, I consider that the government should increase the taxes paid by sugary food industry in order to curtail this behaviour. This essay would discuss both opinions, and provide a logical conclusion. On the one hand, some people think that the government should impose a higher tariff on sugary food, and I agree with them. If this is done, the prices on sugary substances will be increased by the manufacturers, or sellers of these products, thus, making it expensive for individuals to purchase. Because of the expensive nature of food containing sugar, individuals will be forced to abstain from it, therefore, making them limit their sugar consumption. As an illustration, as a result of the higher tariff paid by alcohol sellers in the UK, this lead to an increase in the price of alcohol, and there has been a drastic reduction in the consumption of alcohol by the individuals resident in UK. This is according to the report released by Bloomberg in 2015. On the other hand, it is believed by some people that individuals are in the best position to control their sugar intake. This is because they know their health status better, and can limit it when they are aware that their blood sugar level has increased. However, I disagree with this view, as not all individuals actually go for checkup to ascertain their blood sugar level, and this exposes them to health risk. In conclusion, while people may vary in their opinion, I believe that those in authority are in the best place to help limit individual's sugar consumption by imposing higher tariff on food containing sugar.
It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
that it is the responsibility of those
Possible typo: you repeated a word
in in
authority to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the intake of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
, while others are of the view that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
should be in control of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
intake. In my opinion, I consider that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should increase the taxes paid by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
industry in order to curtail this
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
. This essay would discuss both opinions, and provide a logical conclusion.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should impose a higher tariff on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
, and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with them. If this
is done
, the prices on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugary
substances will
be increased
by the manufacturers, or sellers of these products,
thus
, making it expensive for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
of the expensive nature of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
containing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
will
be forced
to abstain from it,
therefore
, making them limit their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
consumption. As an illustration,
as a result
of the higher tariff paid by alcohol sellers in the UK, this lead to an increase in the price of alcohol, and there has been a drastic reduction in the consumption of alcohol by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
resident in UK. This is according to the report released by Bloomberg in 2015.

On the other hand
, it
is believed
by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
are in the best position to control their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
intake. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they know their health status better, and can limit it when they are aware that their blood
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
level has increased.
However
, I disagree with this view, as not all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
individuals
actually go for checkup to ascertain their blood
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
level, and this exposes them to health
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
.

In conclusion
, while
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may vary in their opinion, I believe that those in authority are in the best place to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
limit individual's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
consumption by imposing higher tariff on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
food
containing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
24Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
2Mistakes
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IELTS essay Eating too much sugar is harmful for health. Some people think that it is government responsibility to limit people’s sugar consumption, while others think that it is individuals responsibility to limit the amount of sugar they eat. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
311 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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