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A lot of places on the world rely on tourism as a main source of income. Unfortunately, tourism can also be a source of problems if it is not managed correctly. Describe the advantages and disadvantages of tourism in the modern world. Do you think that benefits of tourism outweighs its drawback? v.1

A lot of places on the world rely on tourism as a main source of income. Unfortunately, tourism can also be a source of problems if it is not managed correctly. Describe the advantages and disadvantages of tourism in the modern world. Do you think that benefits of tourism outweighs its drawback? v. 1
Many country's main revenue generation is from tourism. Regrettably, problems can arise from mismanaged tourism. Asides the fact that not all tourists are credible, some of them end up staying back and therefore, causing an increase in population. However, tourism enriches the nation by bringing development which attracts foreign investors. Tourism can have a negative effect on a country, in the sense that some of the visitors might have criminal tendencies. For instance, some convicts may run away from their countries and disguise as tourists in another country. This will result to a high crime rate in the country. Furthermore, some tourists do not leave at the stipulated time. With this increase in population comes overcrowding and poor standard of living. For instance, a recent survey in India revealed that 50% of the children in public schools belonged to parents who came in as tourists. So the citizens will be at the receiving end. On the other hand, tourism has been a blessing to many nations. Besides the obvious fact that its a great revenue booster, it also brings about development and popularity of the country. Moreover, developed countries are known to attract investors. For instance, studies has shown that people put their money more in projects that they are certain will earn profit, that is, projects in developed countries. This will in turn enrich the nation greatly. In conclusion, in as much as tourism may have brought increase in crimes and overcrowding, I believe it has done more good than harm. As it brings about the developed and popularity of a country.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
Incorrect plural form; it does not need any apostrophe. Did you mean "countrys"?
country's
main revenue generation is from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
.
Regrettably
, problems can arise from mismanaged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
. Asides the fact that not all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
are credible,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of them
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
up staying back and
therefore
, causing an increase in population.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
enriches the nation by bringing development which attracts foreign investors.

Tourism can have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, in the sense that
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
visitors might have criminal tendencies.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
convicts may run away from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
and disguise as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
in another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
. This will result to a high crime rate in the country.

Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
at the stipulated time. With this increase in population
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
comes
overcrowding and poor standard of living.
For instance
, a recent survey in India revealed that 50% of the children in public schools belonged to parents who came in as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourists
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
the citizens will be at the receiving
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
.

On the other hand
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
has been a blessing to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
nations.
Besides
the obvious fact that
Did you mean "it's" (="it is") instead of 'its' (possessive pronoun)?
its
a great revenue booster, it
also
brings about development and popularity of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Moreover
, developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are known
to attract investors.
For instance
, studies has shown that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
put their money more in projects that they are certain will earn profit,
that is
, projects in developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. This will in turn enrich the nation
greatly
.

In conclusion
, in as much as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
tourism
may have brought increase in crimes and overcrowding, I believe it has done more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
than harm. As it brings about the developed and popularity of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
16Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay A lot of places on the world rely on tourism as a main source of income. Unfortunately, tourism can also be a source of problems if it is not managed correctly. Describe the advantages and disadvantages of tourism in the modern world. Do you think that benefits of tourism outweighs its drawback? v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
263 words
6
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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