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Do you think how important it is for people to want success in life Is ambition a positive or negative characteristic v.1

Do you think how important it is for people to want success in life Is ambition a positive or negative characteristic v. 1
Nowadays, the number of teenagers breaking the law has risen substantially in the city all over the world. While Some people blame it for the lack of their parents’ attention, I still believe that educating children is not the only responsibility of the family, also society. There are numerous reasons for this trend, whatever the reason is, several effective solutions should be applied to address them. There are two ways to explain why this tendency occurs and one of them could be the popularity of violent and unhealthy entertainment. With the development of technology and the internet, it is easy for adolescents to approach modern electric types of equipment such as tablet computers or smartphones to play video games. Young people tend to indulge in the virtual world and imitate the acts of the figures in their games into real life. Another reason is that parents spend too much time to build their careers rather than upbringing their children. Due to this, it leaves adults less quality time for their families to educate their children. To gain attention from their parents, teenagers choose to do illegally even violence becoming robbers, killers for instance. In order to solve this problem, the family and society should adopt some practical methods. Firstly, organizing extracurricular lessons about crime. By educating, they could broaden their knowledge of what should they do and what the punishment would be if they make a crime. Secondly, parents should take care of them more because young generation needs to be nurtured in the aspect of the physical and the emotional. In addition, parents should control the content of the website that their children would see on the internet to ensure there would have not negative topics. In conclusion, a number of factors lead to the increasing rate of teenage crime. The youth should be involved by all their adult family members and society. Adults should be a good model for adolescents to imitate.
Nowadays, the number of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
breaking the law has risen
substantially
in the city all over the world. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
blame it for the lack of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents’
attention, I
still
believe that educating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
is not the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
responsibility of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
,
also
society. There are numerous reasons for this trend, whatever the reason is, several effective solutions should
be applied
to address them.

There are two ways to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
why this tendency occurs and one of them could be the popularity of violent and unhealthy entertainment. With the development of technology and the internet, it is easy for adolescents to approach modern electric types of equipment such as tablet computers or smartphones to play video games. Young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
tend to indulge in the virtual world and imitate the acts of the figures in their games into real life. Another reason is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
spend too much time to build their careers
rather
than upbringing their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Due to this, it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leaves
adults less quality time for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
families
to educate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. To gain attention from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
choose to do
illegally
even violence becoming robbers, killers
for instance
.

In order to solve this problem, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
and society should adopt
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
practical methods.
Firstly
, organizing extracurricular lessons about crime. By educating, they could broaden their knowledge of what should they do and what the punishment would be if they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a crime.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should take care of them more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
young generation needs to
be nurtured
in the aspect of the physical and the emotional.
In addition
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should control the content of the website that their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
on the internet to ensure there would have not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
topics.

In conclusion
, a number of factors lead to the increasing rate of teenage crime. The youth should
be involved
by all their adult
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
members and society. Adults should be a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
model for adolescents to imitate.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Learning a new language is becoming a member of the club – the community of speakers of that language.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Do you think how important it is for people to want success in life Is ambition a positive or negative characteristic v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
324 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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