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Do you think children should always obey their parents, or are there times when itis not necessary for children to obey? v.1

Do you think children should always obey their parents, or are there times when itis not necessary for children to obey? v. 1
Recently, the internet has advanced more than previous. The internet is available to connect the person who lives in all over the world and to get any data easily whatever you want. I agree that today's teenager is more stressful than previous generation's teenagers. The main reason why I agree with the opinion that a teenager is stressful than before who live in the internet society. The teenager lives in there and spending most of a day. This is because, the internet is increasing available to connect with people even you have never met or never heard a voice. If you could contact with the people and talk lots, then you may have likely an illusion as a reliable person. Sometimes, a convenience is helpful us and necessary to our lives, but on the other hand that might be likely to be lonely and stressful. Therefore, the relationship may not be longer or unsuitable. Secondly, to distinguish right or wrong information is arduous for teenager even for adults. In the internet society is spreading a rumor, exaggerated advertisements and word of mouth. The information is written by anonymous people that could be unreliable and easy to fix to someone. The processing enormous amount of information is suffering for them and have to care about internet fraud. Their fraud is a clever deception and unclear. In conclusion, I believe that nowadays teenager must be stressful in this internet society than the previous generation. To recognize real or unreal world is difficult and obviously stressful to them.
Recently, the internet has advanced more than previous. The internet is available to connect the person who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
in all over the world and to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
any data
easily
whatever you want. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenager
is more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stressful
than previous generation's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
.

The main reason why I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the opinion that a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenager
is
Use "(stressful)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
stressful
than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
who
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
in the internet society. The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenager
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
in there and spending most of a day. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, the internet is increasing available to connect with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
even you have never met or never heard a voice. If you could contact with the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and talk lots, then you may have likely an illusion as a reliable person.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, a convenience is helpful us and necessary to our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lives
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
on the other hand
that might be likely to be lonely and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stressful
.
Therefore
, the relationship may not be longer or unsuitable.

Secondly
, to distinguish right or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
information is arduous for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenager
even for adults. In the internet society is spreading a rumor, exaggerated advertisements and word of mouth. The information
is written
by anonymous
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that could be unreliable and easy to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
fix
to someone. The processing enormous amount of information is suffering for them and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
care about internet fraud. Their fraud is a clever deception and unclear.

In conclusion
, I believe that nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
teenager
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stressful
in this internet society than the previous generation. To recognize real or unreal world is difficult and
obviously
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
stressful
to them.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Do you think children should always obey their parents, or are there times when itis not necessary for children to obey? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
255 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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