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do you prefer to give money for which type of activity: providing food and house for poor peoplegiving money to poor people for starting the small businessmedical care v.4

do you prefer to give money for which type of activity: providing food and house for poor peoplegiving money to poor people for starting the small businessmedical care v. 4
The question is whether people should donate a part of their money for organizations which supply house and food for poor humans or give human beings money to start their own business and or provide medical care for people in need. Everyone with regard to his perspective can maintain a specific direction toward this statement. Some believe that starting small businesses allows poor people to earn money and also it would be beneficial for community while others have a conviction that spending money on medical treatments and or providing food and shelter can be more effective. I am unanimous with the first group; so the next paragraphs will vastly elucidate my vantage point through three salient reasons: To begin with, one should not forget that the main purpose of charity is that we can make poor people hopeful to life. If we give them money in any opportunity, as a matter a fact, they will become lazy people and it goes without saying that habit is another kind of suicide; hence, there must be a strong solution. As the old saying goes in my country" instead of giving a fish to a person every day, you can teach him fishing " . Supporting the poor beings to establish their own business will cause them to have stable income monthly, on the other hand, their personality can reinforce in this way through improving self-confidence. In short, creating small businesses can guarantees a poor persons' life forever and he will never wait for others' hands. In addition, the mentioned approach can cover whole of society. It has been believed that nowadays, communities are struggling with unemployment problems; therefore, the governments fail to optimize their economic. Donating money to the young entrepreneurs can be a stepping stone in solving economic crises. For instance, a country with having a huge number of small but effective businesses will be able to increase the amount of exporting and importing and boost the quality of life for people. Meanwhile, one should notice that removing unemployment troubles can rescue the youths from drug addiction and other negative activities. Moreover, when a poor man achieves wealth through these types of organizations, he will make a decision to compensate this favor in the same way; subsequently, he will participate in the mentioned activities and spend money for other poor persons; as a result, this cycle continues and at the end of the poverty will be eradicated. To sum up, this conclusion could be drawn that giving money for starting small businesses provides more merits in the world such as improving quality of economic, eliminating unemployment and boosting confidence among poor humans.
The question is whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
should donate a part of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for organizations which supply
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
and food for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
humans or give human beings
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
and or provide medical care for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in need. Everyone with regard to his perspective can maintain a specific direction toward this statement.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
believe that starting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
and
also
it would be beneficial for community while others have a conviction that spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on medical treatments and or providing food and shelter can be more effective. I am unanimous with the
first
group;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
next
paragraphs will
vastly
elucidate my vantage point through three salient reasons:

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, one should not forget that the main purpose of charity is that we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hopeful to life. If we give them
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
in any opportunity, as a matter a fact, they will become lazy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and it goes without saying that habit is another kind of suicide;
hence
, there
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be a strong solution. As the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
saying goes in my
Possible spelling mistake found.
country&quot
;
instead
of giving a fish to a person every day, you can teach him fishing
Possible spelling mistake found.
&quot
;
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Supporting the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
Did you mean the verb "begins"?
beings
to establish their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
business
will cause them to have stable income monthly, on the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, their personality can reinforce in this way through improving self-confidence. In short, creating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
can guarantees a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
Possible spelling mistake found.
persons&
#039; life
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
forever and
he will never wait for
Possible spelling mistake found.
others&
#039; hands.

In addition
, the mentioned approach can cover whole of society. It has
been believed
that nowadays, communities are struggling with unemployment problems;
therefore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
fail to optimize their economic. Donating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to the young entrepreneurs can be a stepping stone in solving economic crises.
For instance
, a country with having a huge number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
effective
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
will be able to increase the amount of exporting and importing and boost the quality of life for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
. Meanwhile, one should notice that removing unemployment troubles can rescue the youths from drug addiction and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
activities.

Moreover
, when a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
man
achieves wealth through these types of organizations, he will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
a decision to compensate this favor
in the same way
;
subsequently
, he will participate in the mentioned activities and spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
persons;
as a result
, this cycle continues and at the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
of the poverty will
be eradicated
.

To sum up, this conclusion could
be drawn
that giving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for starting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
businesses
provides more merits in the world such as improving quality of economic, eliminating unemployment and boosting confidence among
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
humans.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
Language is the road map of a culture. It tells you where its people come from and where they are going.
Rita Mae Brown

IELTS essay do you prefer to give money for which type of activity: providing food and house for poor peoplegiving money to poor people for starting the small businessmedical care v. 4

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
441 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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