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do you prefer to give money for which type of activity: providing food and house for poor peoplegiving money to poor people for starting the small businessmedical care v.1

do you prefer to give money for which type of activity: providing food and house for poor peoplegiving money to poor people for starting the small businessmedical care v. 1
We can see that the needs of people are increasing as the day-to-day life gets busier. This makes the need for the younger generation to purchase a lot of gadgets, clothings, fashion accessories, furniture etc. Generally, shopping has increased and almost half of the items purchased nowadays are through online shopping. It has its own pros and cons and I slightly disagree that the online shopping will lead to the closing of shops. Firstly, in the last millennium, most of the families were joint families where more than 20 people lived in the same house. So, they used to have one set of furniture, electronic devices, such as, refridgerator, washing machine, iron box etc. Eventually, nuclear families increased in numbers and the same 20 people started living in 4 or 5 houses which led them to buy all the furniture, and electronic devices for each house, resulting in more shopping. Secondly, we used to have more house wives before 30 years and now, we can see that most of the women are working. They don't have enough time to balance the personal and professional life. So, they tend to save their time by ordering things online, which would save them the time and effort they have to invest to buy any item. However, we can say that there is quite a number of population who don't believe in the quality of the online shopping items, as well as people who are not ready to wait for the item's delivery. Sometimes, people prefer to go to the shopping malls to purchase, as they can touch and check the quality, try the dresses or shoes, and carry them home as soon as they bill them. Although, online shopping is done by the ones who doesn't have time, they are only less than half of the population. Nevertheless, there is a major population who invests their time and buy things from the shop. In conclusion, I would like to say that the online shopping will have a small effect on the shops, but, it will never close all the shops till people who believe in the "touch and feel" or "size and comfort" of the product.
We can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that the needs of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are increasing as the day-to-day life
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
busier. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
the need for the younger generation to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
gadgets,
Possible spelling mistake found.
clothings
, fashion accessories, furniture etc.
Generally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
has increased and almost half of the items
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchased
nowadays are through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
. It has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
pros and cons and I
slightly
disagree that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
will lead to the closing of shops.

Firstly
, in the last millennium, most of the families were joint families where more than 20
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
in the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to have one set of furniture, electronic devices, such as,
Possible spelling mistake found.
refridgerator
, washing machine, iron box etc.
Eventually
, nuclear families increased in numbers and the same 20
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
living in 4 or 5
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
houses
which led them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
all the furniture, and electronic devices for each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
, resulting in more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
.
Secondly
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to have more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
house
wives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
30 years and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, we can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
that most of the women are working. They don't have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to balance the personal and professional life.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, they tend to save their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
by ordering things
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
, which would save them the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and effort they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
invest to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
any item.

However
, we can say that there is quite a number of population
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
don't believe in the quality of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
items,
as well
as
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
are not ready to wait for the item's delivery.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to go to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
malls to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
, as they can touch and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
check
the quality, try the dresses or shoes, and carry them home as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
soon
as they bill them. Although,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is done
by the ones
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
Did you mean "do"? Alternatively, check whether the singular of 'ones' should be used.
doesn
't have
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, they are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
less than half of the population.
Nevertheless
, there is a major population
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
invests their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
things from the shop.

In conclusion
, I would like to say that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
will have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
effect on the shops,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
, it will never close all the shops till
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
who
believe in the
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
touch and feel
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
or
Use a smart opening quote here: "“".
"
size and comfort
Use a smart closing quote here: "”".
"
of the product.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If we spoke a different language, we would perceive a somewhat different world.
Ludwig Wittgenstein

IELTS essay do you prefer to give money for which type of activity: providing food and house for poor peoplegiving money to poor people for starting the small businessmedical care v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
363 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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