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Write a letter to a friend to ask for his/her help to collect money for a charity organization. The letter needs to cover the following details. - why do you want to collect money for the charity organization. - Ask your friend to help- explain in detail ho v.2

Write a letter to a friend to ask for his/her help to collect money for a charity organization. The letter needs to cover the following details. - why do you want to collect money for the charity organization. - Ask your friend to help- explain in detail ho v. 2
Help is a very virtuous thing and in this age of globalisation, where we all live in a global village, it becomes imperative to provide the social services without any charge. Some folks opine that these voluntary society services should be mandatory for the senior school curriculum, and I, completely agree with this statement. To begin with, there are numerous benefits of including voluntary services as part of institute curriculum. It assists the teenagers to learn about the moral values and the importance of the community services, as teenagers are considered the future of the nation and learning these skills at a very young age enable them in developing their society and intellectual skills and broadens their horizons. Secondly, through such education, they know the importance of clean and green society and persuade others to maintain the cleanliness around their houses. Then, they can contribute towards the noble cause like getting donations from people to aid the patients suffering from the deadly diseases like cancer. For example, in a recent survey in India, it has been observed that, the money donated by the citizens to the students have really eased the burden of the government shoulder. In addition, teenagers who are good in sports can teach the impoverished juveniles in various sports and make them aware about the significance of physical fitness in one's life. Then, they can plan some sport event and money collected from such event can be utilized for the benefit of these people To conclude, unpaid community services play an imperative role in the overall development of the child and should be compulsory at the high school programmes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Help
is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
virtuous thing and in this age of
Possible spelling mistake. 'globalisation' is British English.
globalisation
, where we all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
in a global village, it becomes imperative to provide the social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
without any charge.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
folks opine that these voluntary society
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
should be mandatory for the senior school curriculum, and I, completely
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this statement.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, there are numerous benefits of including voluntary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
as part of institute curriculum. It assists the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to learn about the moral values and the importance of the community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
, as
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are considered
the future of the nation and learning these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
at a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young age enable them in developing their society and intellectual
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
and broadens their horizons.
Secondly
, through such education, they know the importance of clean and green society and persuade others to maintain the cleanliness around their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
houses
. Then, they can contribute towards the noble cause like getting donations from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to aid the patients suffering from the deadly diseases like cancer.
For example
, in a recent survey in India, it has
been observed
that, the money donated by the citizens to the students have
really
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
eased
the burden of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
shoulder.

In addition
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
who are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
in sports can teach the impoverished juveniles in various sports and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
them aware about the significance of physical fitness in one's life. Then, they can plan
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
sport
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
and money collected from such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
event
can
be utilized
for the benefit of these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people


To conclude
, unpaid community
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
services
play an imperative role in the
overall
development of the child and should be compulsory at the high school
Possible spelling mistake. 'programmes' is British English.
programmes
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Write a letter to a friend to ask for his/her help to collect money for a charity organization. The letter needs to cover the following details. - why do you want to collect money for the charity organization. - Ask your friend to help- explain in detail ho v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
271 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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