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Do you believe that societies ought to enforce capital punishment or are there alternative forms of punishment that would be better used? v.1

Do you believe that societies ought to enforce capital punishment or are there alternative forms of punishment that would be better used? v. 1
Is the death penalty an effective deterrent? I am completely against this kind of abuse. I am strongly opposing the capital punishment as it is inhuman. As you all are aware that human beings are prone to make mistakes from which they learn a lot. It's human psychology to rectify them over a period of time. Instead of imposing the death sentence, the convicted should be given a chance to take corrective measures. It is unmanly to execute a living being. This impacts the rise in violent crime. Disciplinary actions can be taken by thrashing some lower punishments on them. Consider an example of lifetime imprisonment which is almost equivalent to execution. Moreover, this enables the judicial bodies to misuse the penalty due to which innocent people are becoming the victims. The discriminatory attitude depending upon the geographical region, race, ethnicity etc. should be combated. It's a method of the encroachment of the human rights. On the other hand, some of the supporters insist on carrying out of death penalty. They believe that society would be safeguarded through this approach. It demands the reforms in the appeals process which are complex and expensive. There are some cases where the mentally impaired individuals are forced to death lessening their pain. Humans committing crimes is a worldwide accepted fact, but compelling them to death on these grounds is a cruel and unusual punishment. So I firmly defy the capital punishment.
Is the death penalty an effective deterrent? I am completely against this kind of abuse. I am
strongly
opposing the capital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
as it is inhuman.

“As” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
As
you all are aware that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
beings are prone to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
mistakes from which they learn a lot. It's
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
psychology to rectify them over a period of time.
Instead
of imposing the death sentence, the convicted should be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
a chance to take corrective measures. It is
unmanly
to execute a living being. This impacts the rise in violent crime. Disciplinary actions can
be taken
by thrashing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
lower
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishments
on them.

Consider an example of lifetime imprisonment which is almost equivalent to execution.
Moreover
, this enables the judicial bodies to misuse the penalty due to which innocent
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are becoming the victims. The discriminatory attitude depending upon the geographical region, race, ethnicity etc. should
be combated
. It's a method of the encroachment of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
human
rights.
On the other hand
,
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
supporters insist on carrying out of death penalty. They believe that society would
be safeguarded
through this approach.

It demands the reforms in the appeals process which are complex and expensive. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases where the mentally impaired individuals
are forced
to death lessening their pain.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Humans
committing crimes is a worldwide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
fact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
compelling them to death on these grounds is a cruel and unusual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
I
firmly
defy the capital
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
punishment
.
3Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
Learning is a treasure that will follow its owner everywhere.
Chinese Proverb

IELTS essay Do you believe that societies ought to enforce capital punishment or are there alternative forms of punishment that would be better used? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
238 words
This writing has been penalized,
text can't be
less than 250 words in Task 2
and less than 150 words in Task 1
5.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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