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Do you agree with the following statement? Do people benefit more from traveling in their own country than in a foreign country? v.5

Do people benefit more from traveling in their own country than in a foreign country? v. 5
In the contemporary era with the intervention of modern gadgets and the internet, more people tend to do online shopping instead of going to shopping malls or department stores. There are always benefits and drawbacks of online shopping for shoppers and the essay will discuss both. To begin with, shopping online will provide many benefits for shoppers. Firstly, it is extremely flexible and convenient because it provides unlimited access online 24/7 daily. Besides, it is time-saving as well because of no requirement of travelling. All ordered items could be delivered to shoppers’ places via mails. This shopping method may attract many employees with busy schedules. Handicapped customers will enjoy it as well. Last but not the least, in urgent situations, online shopping will protect people’s health. For instance, in some regions worldwide where COVI 19 has been epidemic, it is an excellent option for people there to shop online and have their goods to deliver to their places so that it will reduce the risk of being infected by the virus. Obviously, internet shopping will enhance the quality and quality of daily lives. On the other hand, internet shopping may bring negative experiences to its customers. It is common that the ordered commercial items turn out to be in poor quality or wrong items are delivered. Sometimes, it is difficult to predict the duration of the delivery. The worse scenario is that hackers steal customers’ personal and financial information. The hackers will use this information to carry out fraud. Online shopping may worsen people’s traditional lifestyles because the happiness created by the interaction during traditional shopping will be deleted. Traditional shopping could be a kind of family activities as well, which will enhance family relationships. In the conclusion, online shopping provides a flexible option for inhabitants and is a good choice for customers due to the above reasons. Therefore, in order to maintain a high standard lifestyle, customers should combine tow shopping styles, conventional shopping and online shopping, in order to obtain maximum benefits. Moreover, in order to prevent personal information from being stolen, customers should use computers with good anti-hacking softwares.
In the contemporary era with the intervention of modern gadgets and the internet, more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
instead
of going to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
malls or department stores. There are always benefits and drawbacks of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
for shoppers and the essay will discuss both.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
will provide
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
benefits for shoppers.
Firstly
, it is
extremely
flexible and convenient
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it provides unlimited access
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
24/7 daily.
Besides
, it is time-saving
as well
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of no requirement of travelling. All ordered items could
be delivered
to shoppers’ places via mails. This
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
method may attract
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
employees with busy schedules. Handicapped
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
will enjoy it
as well
. Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the least, in urgent situations,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
will protect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
health.
For instance
, in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
regions worldwide where
Possible spelling mistake found.
COVI
19 has been epidemic, it is an excellent option for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
there to shop
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
and have their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
goods
to deliver to their places
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that it will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of
being infected
by the virus.
Obviously
, internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
will enhance the quality and quality of daily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
.

On the other hand
, internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
may bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
experiences to its
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
. It is common that the ordered commercial items turn out to be in poor quality or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
wrong
items
are delivered
.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
, it is difficult to predict the duration of the delivery. The worse scenario is that hackers steal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers’
personal and financial information. The hackers will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
this information to carry out fraud.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
may worsen
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
traditional lifestyles
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the happiness created by the interaction during traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
will
be deleted
. Traditional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
could be a kind of family activities
as well
, which will enhance family relationships.

In the conclusion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
provides a flexible option for inhabitants and is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
choice for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
due to the above reasons.
Therefore
, in order to maintain a high standard lifestyle,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
should combine tow
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
styles, conventional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
, in order to obtain maximum benefits.
Moreover
, in order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
personal information from
being stolen
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
customers
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
computers with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
anti-hacking
Possible spelling mistake found.
softwares
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Do people benefit more from traveling in their own country than in a foreign country? v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
352 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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