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Every country should have a free healthcare service, if this means the latest medical treatments may not be available through the service because they are too expensive. To what extent do you agree or disagree? v.1

Every country should have a free healthcare service, if this means the latest medical treatments may not be available through the service because they are too expensive. v. 1
In today’s life, it is clear that dwellers can hardly do physical exercise regularly. This issue has some serious reasons behind which can be solved if proper steps are effectively taken. Initially, one of the causes for this tendency is that there is less room for urban people to go there and do exercise. Most of the spaces in cities contribute to the constructions of buildings, skyscrapers, offices and accommodation. Therefore, the sizable spaces where there are trees and flowers are not used to build parks, so the residents cannot find anywhere else which are more comfortable than those to play sports. Furthermore, the more well-developed the cities are, the more likely people are to get involved with work and study. They have to spend so much time finishing tasks on time, going on business trips and doing homework that there is no time for them to spend on other activities. Notwithstanding, there are several ways for urban residents to solve this problem. First, they should suggest the governments spend the funding parks, sidewalks and walkways which are full of various species of plants. Hence, people will find doing physical exercises enjoyable as they have a chance to be in such relaxing places. Second, the dwellers themselves have to balance work and entertainment, so that they can comfortably play sports without concerning about the heavy workload. For instance, a boss ought to cut the time which is for unimportant meetings, and he can utilize that period of time to go walking. Finally, there should be clubs on doing exercise at weekends for people to participate in. Thereby, people’s enthusiasm on this activity will increase provided the equipment and environments are satisfying. In short, this trend is the consequence of not enough spaces in parks and humans’ being too busy. However, it can be solved by providing more pleasant public parks and spending less time on work.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
’s life, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
clear
that dwellers can hardly do physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
regularly
. This issue has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
serious reasons behind which can
be solved
if proper steps are
effectively
taken.

Initially
, one of the causes for this tendency is that there is less room for urban
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to go there and do
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
. Most of the spaces in cities contribute to the constructions of buildings, skyscrapers, offices and accommodation.
Therefore
, the sizable spaces where there are trees and flowers are not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to build
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the residents cannot find anywhere else which are more comfortable than those to play sports.
Furthermore
, the more well-developed the cities are, the more likely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved with work and study. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
spend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
finishing tasks on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, going on business trips and doing homework that there is no
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for them to spend on other activities.

Notwithstanding, there are several ways for urban residents to solve this problem.
First
, they should suggest the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
spend the funding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
, sidewalks and walkways which are full of various species of plants.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will find doing physical
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercises
enjoyable as they have a chance to be in such relaxing places. Second, the dwellers themselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
balance work and entertainment,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
comfortably
play sports without concerning about the heavy workload.
For instance
, a boss ought to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
which is for unimportant meetings, and he can utilize that period of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to go walking.
Finally
, there should be clubs on doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
at weekends for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to participate in. Thereby,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people’s
enthusiasm on this activity will increase provided the equipment and environments are satisfying.

In short, this trend is the consequence of not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
spaces in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
and humans’ being too busy.
However
, it can
be solved
by providing more pleasant public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parks
and spending less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on work.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Every country should have a free healthcare service, if this means the latest medical treatments may not be available through the service because they are too expensive. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
316 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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