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Do you agree that the advantages cars bring outweigh the disadvantages?

Do you agree that the advantages cars bring outweigh the disadvantages? v. 5
Someone has correctly said that “The car has become an article of dress without which we feel uncertain, unclad, and incomplete”. From my perspective, the advantages of the car outstrip its disadvantages. On the one hand, the disadvantages of the car are only a few. The increase in pollution, traffic jams and accidents are the natural sequel to the burgeoning population of cars. Moreover, our overdependence on cars can lead to a decrease in practices such as walking and cycling and this has resulted in a number of diseases such as obesity. On the other hand, I believe the advantages of a car are more significant. The most important advantage is that it has given people freedom of movement. The ease of transportation which a car brings is more than any other means of transportation. For instance, you can go from destination to destination and time is wasted waiting for the bus or train. Therefore, time and distance are not a barrier any more. What is more, families can go out together. This becomes especially helpful when there are elderly or the disabled and sick members in the family. Furthermore, the automobile industry provides jobs for millions of workers. Filling stations, restaurants, and other businesses that serve automobile travelers are of major importance to a country's economy. In addition, many developing nations have begun making automobiles to boost their economy. That is why India has promoted many automobile manufacturing industries such as Tata and Mahindra. On balance, the advantages to people's lives and the economic impact created by the car definitely outweigh the disadvantages. However, we must know when and how much to use the car so that we can minimize the demerits to some extent.
Someone has
correctly
said that “The
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
has become an article of dress without which we feel uncertain, unclad, and incomplete”. From my perspective, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
outstrip its disadvantages.

On the one hand, the disadvantages of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
a few. The increase in pollution, traffic jams and accidents are the natural sequel to the burgeoning population of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
.
Moreover
, our
Possible spelling mistake found.
overdependence
on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
can lead to a decrease in practices such as walking and cycling and this has resulted in a number of diseases such as obesity.

On the other hand
, I believe the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
are more significant. The most
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantage
is that it has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
freedom of movement. The
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
of transportation which a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
brings is more than any other means of transportation.
For instance
, you can go from destination to destination and time
is wasted
waiting for the bus or train.
Therefore
, time and distance are not a barrier
Did you mean the adverb "anymore"?
any more
.
What is more
, families can go out together. This becomes
especially
helpful when there are elderly or the disabled and sick members in the family.

Furthermore
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
automobile
industry provides jobs for millions of workers. Filling stations, restaurants, and other businesses that serve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
automobile
travelers are of major importance to a country's economy.
In addition
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
developing nations have begun making
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
automobiles
to boost their economy.
That is
why India has promoted
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
automobile
manufacturing industries such as Tata and Mahindra.

On balance, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and the economic impact created by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
definitely outweigh the disadvantages.
However
, we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
know when and how much to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that we can minimize the demerits to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
extent.
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You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay Do you agree that the advantages cars bring outweigh the disadvantages?

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
286 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
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    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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