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Do you agree that the advantages can bring overweight the disadvantage. v.1

Do you agree that the advantages can bring overweight the disadvantage. v. 1
In the modern era, using a jeep with the people has become very common all over the world. More and more people use motor for their many purposes by the people at present. Although I think that it maintains very difficult, yet I strongly believe that bringing a car has more advantages than disadvantages. The upcoming paragraphs will examine the advantages and disadvantages of owning a van. To start with, there are lots of benefits owning a car. First of all, bringing a car has more comfortable, as we can go anywhere and anytime if we have a own truck, and we can read books listen music playing with kids which is not possible in public shipment. Therefore, people tend to buy owning a personal vehicle. Secondly, it provides security as well as freedom. We can go to our destination where we want to go while travelling. For example, owning a car is cheaper rather than other modes of transport. It is not only saves our time, but also money, which will be very beneficial for the people. People can make friends while travelling and they do not have to wait any others transportation. However, despite the advantages, there are some disadvantage. Firstly, pollution. To illustrate, we know very well, technology has made many shipping systems for the people of their life easier their life. There are several of both public and private transit. These vehicles spread many fossil fuels, which are perilous for an atmosphere. Mostly people prefer owning a car for one place to another place moving. Vehicle spread noise and air pollution. Another disadvantage is that, nowadays more and more individuals are purchasing personal motor. They have lost their interest in physical exercise. Instead of walking, people like using personal vehicles for working. These are major disadvantages owning a machine. To conclude, I would like to say that every coin has two aspects. So that, bring a jeep has both positive and negative effects. I think the advantages of bringing a ride overweight the disadvantage. In the future, the number of cars will be increased on the roads all over the world of countries.
In the modern era, using a jeep with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
has
become
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
common all over the world. More and more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
motor for their
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
purposes by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
at present. Although I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it maintains
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
difficult,
yet
I
strongly
believe that bringing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
has more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
than disadvantages. The upcoming paragraphs will examine the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
and disadvantages of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owning
a van.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
with, there are lots of benefits
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owning
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, bringing a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
has more comfortable, as we can go anywhere and anytime if we have
Use "an" instead of 'a' if the following word starts with a vowel sound, e.g. 'an article', 'an hour'
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
truck, and we can read books listen music playing with kids which is not possible in public shipment.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owning
a personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicle
.
Secondly
, it provides security
as well
as freedom. We can go to our destination where we want to go while travelling.
For example
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owning
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
is cheaper
rather
than other modes of transport. It is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
saves our time,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
money, which will be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
beneficial for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
friends while
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
travelling and
they do not
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
wait any
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "others'" or "other's"?
others
transportation.

However
, despite the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disadvantage
.
Firstly
, pollution. To illustrate, we know
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
well, technology has made
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
shipping systems for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
of their life easier their life. There are several of both public and private transit. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicles
spread
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
fossil fuels, which are perilous for an atmosphere.
Mostly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owning
a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
for one place to another place moving.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Vehicle
spread noise and air pollution. Another
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disadvantage
is that, nowadays more and more individuals are purchasing personal motor. They have lost their interest in physical exercise.
Instead
of walking,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
like using personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
vehicles
for working. These are major disadvantages
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
owning
a machine.

To conclude
, I would like to say that every coin has two aspects.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
that, bring a jeep has both
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effects. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
advantages
of bringing a ride overweight the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
disadvantage
. In the future, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
will
be increased
on the roads all over the world of countries.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Do you agree that the advantages can bring overweight the disadvantage. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
357 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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