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Children today play very violent games. This must be the reason for the increase in violence and crime in most major cities world. What are your opinion on this? Give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples from your own knowledge or experience. v.3

Children today play very violent games. This must be the reason for the increase in violence and crime in most major cities world. What are your opinion on this? v. 3
Nowadays most children regularly play games on a computer or their television. These games have become more violent over the past few years. In fact, many parents worry about this and the effect these games are having on their children. Some are concerned that playing violent games might encourage them to come aggressive in real life. What we need to establish is whether or not this is actually true. There are several reasons why folks interested in violent games. The age of 7 to 8 are under the developing mentality in that group of children constantly learn new things whatever going in their surroundings. Firstly, now a day, teens want something extraordinary graphic games, thrills and actions in a virtual gaming system. It is a fact that gaming company always tries to make action games such as grand theft auto, call of duty and so many. For an instance, according to the surveys in 2018, 80 percent visual games are based on fightings. On the contrary side, people feel that this kind of games badly effect on the world which causes crimes. In my prospective, there are lots of thing which results violence, such as television and vulnerable songs, not only games are responsible for this. Furthermore, We should keep track of our children and gives valuable lesson instead of blaming gaming console. Moreover, the parents should take a monthly report of their baby from school and meet with teachers. To put in a nutshell, I pen down and say that growing crime in the world is the world is a major concern, but we could not raise our finger on virtual console, it is just for enjoyment. In conclusion, the way children play games has changed with the times, but the ideas behind those games have actually changed very little. Just as playing at soldiers did not increase brutality in the past, I believe that playing computer games will not lead to an increase in disorder in the future. I think that if we looked more closely at life in our major cities, then we would find there are many other possible causes for the increase in crime and fighting.
Nowadays most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
regularly
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
on a computer or their television. These
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have become more violent over the past few years. In fact,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
parents worry about this and the effect these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are having on their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
are concerned
that playing violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
might encourage them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
aggressive in real life. What we need to establish is
Consider shortening this phrase to just "whether". It is correct though if you mean 'regardless of whether'.
whether or not
this is actually true.

There are several reasons why folks interested in violent
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
. The age of 7 to 8 are under the developing mentality in that group of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
constantly
learn new things whatever going in their surroundings.
Firstly
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
a day, teens want something extraordinary graphic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
, thrills and actions in a virtual gaming system. It is a fact that gaming
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
always tries to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
action
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
such as
If the term is a proper noun, use initial capitals.
grand theft auto
,
If the term is a proper noun, use the suggested capitalization.
call of duty
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
. For an instance, according to the surveys in 2018, 80 percent visual
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are based
on
Possible spelling mistake found.
fightings
.

On the contrary
side,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
feel that this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
badly
effect on the world which causes crimes. In my prospective, there are
Possible agreement error. The noun thing seems to be countable; consider using: "lots of things".
lots of thing
which results violence, such as television and vulnerable songs, not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
are responsible for this.
Furthermore
, We should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
track
of our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
and gives valuable lesson
instead
of blaming gaming console.
Moreover
, the parents should take a monthly report of their baby from school and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
with teachers.

To put in a nutshell, I pen down and say that growing crime in the world is the world is a major concern,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we could not raise our finger on virtual console, it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
for enjoyment.
In conclusion
, the way
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
play
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
with the times,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ideas
behind those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
have actually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Just
as playing at soldiers did not increase brutality in the past, I believe that playing computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
games
will not lead to an increase in disorder in the future. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that if we looked more
closely
at life in our major cities, then we would find there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
other possible causes for the increase in crime and fighting.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay Children today play very violent games. This must be the reason for the increase in violence and crime in most major cities world. What are your opinion on this? v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
361 words
8
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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