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Do you agree or disagree with this statement: The rules that the whole societies today expect young people to follow and obey are too strict. v.2

: The rules that the whole societies today expect young people to follow and obey are too strict. v. 2
No one would argue that youth is a tremendously vital period of every individual’s life. It is a step towards either a bright future or disappointing one. Although it is a common belief among some people that regulations expected in whole societies to be pursued by young individuals are too strict, I personally believe otherwise. First reason to elaborate this statement is the increase in crime rate among youngsters. Despite the existence of all these strict rules, nowadays the world is experiencing an exponential growth in street crimes such as dealing drugs as well as robbery which is often done by young people. This shows that not only social obligations and rules are not strict enough, they have lots of deficiencies. Secondly, regulations which are expected to be followed in every society, emerge out of the particular demands and conditions in that society. When we realize that every societal norm and its following rules are compatible with the unique features of that community, then the concept of strict rules would become irrelevant. In my adolescence, for instance, my parents ground some harsh limitations and obligations regarding my studies and education, according to excessive growth of population in my generation which had led to shortage of the available places in governmental Universities’ admissions. Therefore, just like those rules on that period of time in my life, other expectations of parents and societies from teenagers are proportional to a particular challenge in that society. Taken together, I subscribe to the idea that limitations expected from young people to follow are appropriate with their age and conditions in which they are living in, and will bring them prosperity in their future.
No one would argue that youth is a
tremendously
vital period of every individual’s life. It is a step towards either a bright future or disappointing one. Although it is a common belief among
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
that regulations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
in whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
to
be pursued
by young individuals are too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
, I
personally
believe
otherwise
.

First
reason to elaborate this statement is the increase in crime rate among youngsters. Despite the existence of all these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
, nowadays the world is experiencing an exponential growth in street crimes such as dealing drugs
as well
as robbery which is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
done by young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
. This
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
shows
that not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
social obligations and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
are not
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
, they have lots of deficiencies.

Secondly
, regulations which are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to
be followed
in every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, emerge out of the particular demands and conditions in that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
. When we realize that every societal norm and its following
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
are compatible with the unique features of that community, then the concept of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
would become irrelevant. In my adolescence,
for instance
, my parents ground
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
harsh limitations and obligations regarding my studies and education, according to excessive growth of population in my generation which had led to shortage of the available places in governmental Universities’ admissions.
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
like those
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
on that period of time in my life, other expectations of parents and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
from
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
are proportional to a particular challenge in that society.

Taken together, I subscribe to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that limitations
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
from young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to follow are appropriate with their age and conditions in which they are living in, and will bring them prosperity in their future.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
13Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
0Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay : The rules that the whole societies today expect young people to follow and obey are too strict. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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