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do you agree or disagree? the rules that the whole societies today expect young people to follow and obey are too strict. v.156

the rules that the whole societies today expect young people to follow and obey are too strict. v. 156
The question is whether the rules that the whole societies today expect young people to follow and obey are too strict or not. Everyone with regard to his private viewpoint can maintain a specific direction toward this statement; however I am inclined to refute it. In my perspective expect some countries in third world, other rest countries do not set young generation under pressure of the strict rules. My arguments and reasons are listed below which will strengthen my vantage point: To begin with, it is axiomatic that the world is changing and the societies are looking for more facilities for their dwellers. Unlike the past, nowadays people can migrate easily if they are not satisfied with condition of their life. There is a famous phenomenon in the communities that is called" brains escape" . Today' s if the young people feel any severity from the government, immediately they leave the country; hence the governments try to avoid from any strict rule because the prosperity of every society depends on its youth. For instance, in the past the religious rules was requiring young people not to wear sport clothes or not to participate in the parties; however these rules have been obsolete now. The second reason why I deny this issue lies in the fact the psychology science has progressed and psychologists strongly highlight that the communities have to create comfort beds for the young cortex. Such advertises in protection of young people continuously have been repeated in different media; so the governments should not forget that any hard rule can provide the dissatisfied beds in the society. Moreover, nowadays the families are educated more than the past and they have enough time to study the books related with how to behave with their young children. Inasmuch there are few children in every house; consequently the parents prefer a calm and free condition for their youth. Take the marriage issue; in the past when the young people were finishing the university and finding work, they were forced to depart the house; however today' s one of the reasons of increasing of the age of marriage is the excessive freedom in the families. By taking all above mentioned arguments this conclusion could be drawn that due to the current condition in the societies, the young people confront with less strict rules compared with the past because if the countries are willing to compete with other countries in the world, they must create a satisfied circumstance for them.
The question is whether the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
that the whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to follow and obey are too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
or not. Everyone with regard to his private viewpoint can maintain a specific direction toward this statement;
however
I
am inclined
to refute it. In my perspective
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expect
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in third world, other rest
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
do not set
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
generation under pressure of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
. My arguments and reasons
are listed
below which will strengthen my vantage point:

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, it is axiomatic that the world is changing and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
are looking for more facilities for their dwellers. Unlike the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
, nowadays
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can migrate
easily
if they are not satisfied with condition of their life. There is a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
famous
phenomenon in the communities
that is
Possible spelling mistake found.
called&quot
; brains
Possible spelling mistake found.
escape&quot
;
Don't put a space before the full stop
.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Today&
#039; s if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel any severity from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
, immediately they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
;
hence
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
try to avoid from any
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rule
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the prosperity of every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
depends on its youth.
For instance
, in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
the religious
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
was requiring
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not to wear sport clothes or not to participate in the parties;
however
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
have been obsolete
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.

The second reason why I deny this issue lies in the fact the psychology science has progressed and psychologists
strongly
highlight that the communities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
create comfort beds for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
cortex. Such advertises in protection of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
continuously
have
been repeated
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
media;
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should not forget that any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rule
can provide the dissatisfied beds in the society.

Moreover
, nowadays the families
are educated
more than the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
past and
they have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
time to study the books related with how to behave with their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
children. Inasmuch there are few children in every
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
;
consequently
the parents prefer a calm and free condition for their youth. Take the marriage issue; in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
were finishing the university and finding work, they
were forced
to depart the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
;
however
Possible spelling mistake found.
today&
#039; s one of the reasons of increasing of the age of marriage is the excessive freedom in the families.

By taking all above mentioned arguments this conclusion could
be drawn
that due to the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
current
condition in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
confront with less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
strict
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rules
compared with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
past
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
are willing to compete with other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in the world, they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
create a satisfied circumstance for them.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
41Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay the rules that the whole societies today expect young people to follow and obey are too strict. v. 156

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
416 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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