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Do you agree or disagree with this statement? some people say that the internet provides people with lots of valuable information, Other thinks access to so much information creates problem. v.5

some people say that the internet provides people with lots of valuable information, Other thinks access to so much information creates problem. v. 5
It is undeniable fact that there has been a surge in the average life expectancy. Although this increase in the number of older people has some benefits such as they help in inculcating better traits among young people and provide their services to mankind, the drawbacks should also be taken into account. On the one hand, let us unfurl the multifarious leverages which are offered by the increasing number of aged people in our society. Primarily, this would be beneficial for working parents as elderly people can take care of their children in a better way. This is because olds have more life experience and they try to instil the good moral values in young ones, which in turn makes them responsible adults. A recent study conducted by UNICEF revealed that most of the people who spent their childhood in the shadow of their grandparents are found to be more kind-hearted and sociable. Moreover, older people can provide the various charitable and social services in their free time that would be advantageous for the community. On the other hand, there are some downsides to this trend which could not be snubbed. Firstly, with the increasing number of old people, there will be an extra burden of taxes on the younger generation and they cannot enjoy their life in the debt of soaring expenses. Since the average retiring age is 60 in most of the countries, people work for 30 years and enjoy the retirement benefit for 30 years. As the greying society is more in count compared to the working class, there would be an economic imbalance in the country as the authorities have to provide them with more facilities in terms of health responsibility and others. For this reason, the most developed country such as Canada and America are inviting applications for skilled workers from various nations to support their economy. Furthermore, it would also be difficult for people to take responsibility of older generations. In this era of burgeoning modernization, both genders of the family are working and they have no time to take responsibility of aging people. As a result, the older people feel isolation amidst family members. In conclusion, while there are many positives of increase in the populace of the elderly, there also puts extra effort on the government in terms of expenses and it is also an arduous task for young people to take responsibility of them in old age.
It is undeniable fact that there has been a surge in the average life expectancy. Although this increase in the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits such as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in inculcating better traits among young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and provide their services to mankind, the drawbacks should
also
be taken
into account.

On the one hand,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
us unfurl the multifarious leverages which
are offered
by the increasing number of aged
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in our society.
Primarily
, this would be beneficial for working parents as elderly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can take care of their children in a better way. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
olds have more life
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
experience and
they try to
Possible spelling mistake. 'instil' is British English.
instil
the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
moral values in young ones, which in turn
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
them responsible adults. A recent study conducted by UNICEF revealed that most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who spent their childhood in the shadow of their grandparents
are found
to be more kind-hearted and sociable.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can provide the various charitable and social services in their free time that would be advantageous for the community.

On the other hand
, there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
downsides to this trend which could not
be snubbed
.
Firstly
, with the increasing number of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
, there will be an extra burden of taxes on the younger
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
generation and
they cannot enjoy their life in the debt of soaring expenses. Since the average retiring age is 60 in most of the countries,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
work for 30 years and enjoy the retirement benefit for 30 years. As the
Possible spelling mistake found.
greying
society is more in count compared to the working
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
, there would be an economic imbalance in the country as the authorities
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
provide them with more facilities in terms of health
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
.
For this reason
, the most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
developed country
such as Canada and America are inviting applications for skilled workers from various nations to support their economy.
Furthermore
, it would
also
be difficult for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
generations. In this era of burgeoning modernization, both genders of the family are
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
working and
they have no time to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
of aging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
As a result
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
older
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel isolation amidst family members.

In conclusion
, while there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
positives of increase in the populace of the elderly, there
also
puts extra effort on the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
in terms of expenses and it is
also
an arduous task for young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
responsibility
of them in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
age.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay some people say that the internet provides people with lots of valuable information, Other thinks access to so much information creates problem. v. 5

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
406 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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