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Do you agree or disagree with this statementmost advertisements make product seem much better than they really are. v.1

most advertisements make product seem much better than they really are. v. 1
In the past, a typical family consisted of a father who went out to work and a mother who stayed at home and looked after the children. Nowadays, it is the norm for both parents to work. This situation can affect children, both positively and negatively. Some people think that the children of working parents are in an advantageous position where their parents are able to afford mere luxuries such as new clothes, video games or mobile phones. Proponents of this view argue that children are able to enjoy and experience more of life due to their parents' extra wealth, for example, by going on foreign holidays. On the other hand, however, there are those who claim that when both parents work, their children do not get enough support and attention; meaning that the children might not do as well at school because there is no one at home to provide support with such things as homework or exam revision. The absence of a parent at home could make it easier for children to get involved in such things as drugs or undertake drinking. When I was growing up, both my parents worked and I was always well provided for. On the other hand, I think that it would sometimes have been better if I could have seen more of my parents. In conclusion, I believe that we cannot change the fact that both parents have to work nowadays. It is not an ideal situation, but if parents make time for their children in the evenings and at the weekends, then the children will not suffer in any way. It must be stated that the extra income generated by both parents working, makes for a much higher standard of living which benefits the whole family.
In the past, a typical family consisted of a father who went out to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
and a mother who stayed at home and looked after the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. Nowadays, it is the norm for both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
. This situation can affect
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, both
positively
and
negatively
.

This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
of working
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are in an advantageous position where their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
are able to afford mere luxuries such as new clothes, video games or mobile phones. Proponents of this view argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are able to enjoy and experience more of life due to their parents' extra wealth,
for example
, by going on foreign holidays.

On the other hand
,
however
, there are those who claim that when both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
support and attention; meaning that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
might not do
as well
at school
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there is no one at home to provide support with such things as homework or exam revision. The absence of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parent
at home could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
it easier for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
involved in such things as drugs or undertake drinking.

When I was growing up, both my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
worked and
I was always well provided for.
On the other hand
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that it would
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
have been better if I could have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
seen
more of my parents.

In conclusion
, I believe that we cannot
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
the fact that both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
nowadays. It is not an ideal situation,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
if
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
time for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
in the evenings and at the weekends, then the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will not suffer in any way. It
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be stated
that the extra income generated by both
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
working,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
for a much higher standard of living which benefits the whole family.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay most advertisements make product seem much better than they really are. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
295 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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