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Do you agree or disagree with this statement? It is more important for governments to spend money to improve internet access than to improve public transportation. use specific reasons and examples to support your idea. v.26

It is more important for governments to spend money to improve internet access than to improve public transportation. use specific reasons and examples to support your idea. v. 26
Undoubtedly, the main phenomenon of our century, is the astonishing breakthrough in telecommunication systems. Some people believe that, governments should allocate more budget to improve the internet access rather than public transportation, while others disagree. I am in agreement with former group. I will explore my reasons in the following. First and foremost, in this contemporary society, many of tasks can be done through internet. By expanding internet access, many people would be able to do lots of their tasks by just staying at home and utilizing their computers or smartphones. consequently, a huge number of commutes inside the cities would be eliminated and the demand for public transportation would dramatically decrease. As I remember, a dozen years ago, people had to make to the banks for really primary tasks such as paying the gas bill of their house, depositing money or transferring it to other accounts, requesting for loans and etc. But now, all we need is our smartphone and internet access to carry out all the mentioned tasks. what is more, allocating more budget to public transportation, would lead to absorb more and more population from smaller towns to the huge cities which is not recommended. Increasing population in huge cities such as Tehran, these days, is creating many problems. For instance, many people in Iran are inclined to immigrate to Tehran due to it' s better infrastructures and educational, medical and transportation facilities. By spending more money on these facilities in huge cities, they would become more tempting as an immigration destination. To put it in nutshell, I absolutely believe that enhancement of the internet access should take bigger portion in any budget rather than public transportation. By improving internet access, Not only are many of commutes along the cities deleted, but also immigration to huge cities are decreased.
Undoubtedly
, the main phenomenon of our century, is the astonishing breakthrough in telecommunication systems.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
believe that,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
governments
should allocate more budget to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
, while others disagree. I am in agreement with former group. I will explore my reasons in the following.

First
and foremost, in this contemporary society,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of tasks can
be done
through internet. By expanding internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
would be able to do lots of their tasks by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
staying at home and utilizing their computers or smartphones.
This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
consequently
, a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
huge
number of commutes inside the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
would
be eliminated
and the demand for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
would
dramatically
decrease. As I remember, a dozen years ago,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
had to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
to the banks for
really
primary tasks such as paying the gas bill of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, depositing money or transferring it to other accounts, requesting for loans
Write the name of the item after 'and' or use only "etc".
and etc
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, all we need is our smartphone and internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
to carry out all the mentioned tasks.

This sentence does not start with an uppercase letter
what
is more, allocating more budget to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
, would lead to absorb more and more population from smaller towns to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
which is not recommended. Increasing population in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
such as Tehran, these days, is creating
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
problems.
For instance
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in Iran
are inclined
to immigrate to Tehran due to
Possible spelling mistake found.
it&
#039; s better infrastructures and educational, medical and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
facilities. By spending more money on these facilities in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
, they would become more tempting as an immigration destination.

To put it in nutshell, I
absolutely
believe that enhancement of the internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
should take bigger portion in any budget
rather
than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
transportation
. By improving internet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
access
, Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of commutes along the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
deleted,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
immigration to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
huge
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cities
are decreased
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
29Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
4Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay It is more important for governments to spend money to improve internet access than to improve public transportation. use specific reasons and examples to support your idea. v. 26

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
302 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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