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Do you agree or disagree with the statement that teachers' performance should be evaluated by students rather than by other teachers? v.1

that teachers' performance should be evaluated by students rather than by other teachers? v. 1
Eating sugar in excessive amounts can lead to health problems. According to some people, governments are responsible for their citizens’ health and hence they ought to control sugar consumption while others opine that it is the duty of individuals. In my opinion, everyone should take care of their own health and control the intake of sugar as they understand their body requirements better than others. It is the moral duty of the government to keep the nation healthy and fit. There are many ways through which excess sugar consumption can be controlled by the government. Firstly, the government should impose higher taxes on sugar and sugary products. For example, if the government levies a high tax rate on these products, their selling prices will be increased and people will be discouraged to buy them. Therefore, consumption will automatically go down. Secondly, governments should run health awareness programs to educate people about the adverse ramifications of over sugar intake. If they are aware of the negative side of having excess sugar, they will share the same with their family and friends too and this will motivate them not to include excess sugar in their diet. On the other hand, no one can take care of a person’s health better than themselves as individuals know their own body requirements better. Also, everyone is different and cannot be measured on the same scale. For instance, if someone has a family history of diabetes then he should take precautions and consume less sugar than the others because he is more likely to develop diabetes. In addition, there are multiple ways through which people can regulate their sugar cravings. For example, they can use sugar-free products instead of real sugar. To conclude, although governments should take the initiative to control excessive sugar intake, in my opinion, largely, it is the responsibility of individuals to restrict themselves from consuming more sugar and take precautions to avoid any negative consequences on health.
Eating
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
in excessive amounts can lead to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problems. According to
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
are responsible for their citizens’
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and
hence
they ought to control
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
consumption while others opine that it is the duty of individuals. In my opinion, everyone should take care of their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
and control the intake of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
as they understand their body requirements better than others.

It is the moral duty of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
the nation healthy and fit. There are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
ways through which excess
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
consumption can
be controlled
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
.
Firstly
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
should impose higher taxes on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
and sugary products.
For example
, if the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
levies a high tax rate on these products, their selling prices will
be increased
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
will
be discouraged
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
them.
Therefore
, consumption will
automatically
go down.
Secondly
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should run
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
awareness programs to educate
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
about the adverse ramifications of over
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
intake. If they are aware of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
side of having excess
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
, they will share the same with their family and friends too and this will motivate them not to include excess
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
in their diet.

On the other hand
, no one can take care of a person’s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
better than themselves as individuals know their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
body requirements better.
Also
, everyone is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
and cannot
be measured
on the same scale.
For instance
, if someone has a family history of diabetes then he should take precautions and consume less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
than the others
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
he is more likely to develop diabetes.
In addition
, there are multiple ways through which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can regulate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
cravings.
For example
, they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
sugar-free products
instead
of real sugar.

To conclude
, although
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
should take the initiative to control excessive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
intake, in my opinion,
largely
, it is the responsibility of individuals to restrict themselves from consuming more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sugar
and take precautions to avoid any
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay that teachers' performance should be evaluated by students rather than by other teachers? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
325 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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