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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Young people should choose a job that is similar to what parents did. v.237

Young people should choose a job that is similar to what parents did. v. 237
It is true that many offenders continue to commit crime after being punished. Although there will undoubtedly be some negative consequences of this trend, steps can be taken to mitigate these potential problems. It is the aim of this essay to discuss several causes and put forward some solutions to tackle this issue. To begin with, the issue can attributed to a number of different factors. Chief among the primary causes would be that ex-prisoners find it hard to reintegrate back into society after serving a prison sentence. One reason for this is the shortage of skills and knowledge that makes ex-prisoners unemployable after being released. When people in prisons do not have access to vocational training or education, their skills and knowledge may become irrelevant, not to mention the fact that having a criminal record on the resumé makes it difficult for ex-offenders to find a job. Therefore, those who are jobless and poor after coming out of prisons may have no choice but to commit crimes again. Nevertheless, some feasible measures could be adopted to tackle the problems described above. The first possible measure to address this problem would be providing education or vocational training in prisons. For example, prisoners should be able to study and get a degree during their time in prison. Vocational training such as crafting, hair styling, carpeting should also be mandatory in prisons so that prisoners can learn personal skills or specific job skills. This could prepare prisoners decent education and necessary skills for them to reintegrate into community after coming out of prison. Another plausible way to mitigate the problem might be assisting ex-offenders in finding accommodation and work after them being discharged from prison. If this method were to be effectively employed, ex-prisoners would find it easier to turn their lives around after serving a prison sentence and it would deter these people from committing crimes again. In summary, the above-mentioned facts have outlined the reasons as well as the impacts of this issue. This is a complex matter which can hardly be solved in the short term; however, if the above-mentioned measures are well implemented, it is likely that this problem can be overcome.
It is true that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
offenders continue to commit crime after
being punished
. Although there will
undoubtedly
be
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
consequences of this trend, steps can
be taken
to mitigate these potential
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
. It is the aim of this essay to discuss several causes and put forward
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
solutions to tackle this issue.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, the issue can attributed to a number of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
factors. Chief among the primary causes would be that ex-prisoners find it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to reintegrate back into society after serving a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
sentence. One reason for this is the shortage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and knowledge that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
ex-prisoners unemployable after
being released
. When
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisons
do not have access to vocational training or education, their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
and knowledge may become irrelevant, not to mention the fact that having a criminal record on the
Possible spelling mistake found.
resumé
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
it difficult for ex-offenders to find a job.
Therefore
, those who are jobless and poor after coming out of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisons
may have no choice
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
to commit crimes again.

Nevertheless
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
feasible measures could
be adopted
to tackle the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problems
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
described
above. The
first
possible measure to address this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
would be providing education or vocational training in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisons
.
For example
, prisoners should be able to study and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
a degree during their time in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
. Vocational training such as crafting, hair styling, carpeting should
also
be mandatory in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prisons
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that prisoners can learn personal
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
or specific job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
. This could prepare prisoners decent education and necessary
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
skills
for them to reintegrate into community after coming out of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
. Another plausible way to mitigate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
might be assisting ex-offenders in finding accommodation and work after them
being discharged
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
. If this method were to be
effectively
employed, ex-prisoners would find it easier to turn their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
around after serving a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
prison
sentence and it would deter these
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from committing crimes again.

In summary, the above-mentioned facts have outlined the reasons
as well
as the impacts of this issue. This is a complex matter which can hardly
be solved
in the short term;
however
, if the above-mentioned measures are well implemented, it is likely that this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
problem
can
be overcome
.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay Young people should choose a job that is similar to what parents did. v. 237

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
364 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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