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Do you agree or disagree with the statement? People will spend less time cooking and preparing food in twenty years. v.7

People will spend less time cooking and preparing food in twenty years. v. 7
INTRODUCTION-Undoubtedly, in this technological advanced era, machines are considered complete all complicated works. I intend that use of it has definitely brought much more benefits than drawbacks because these machines has had a reduced work load trial load of people and boosted nation's economy. In the positive effects, use of machines is dropping down daily routine struggle time. Today, machines do not require Human's attention and can work by themselves just after pushing the 'on' button, by which people have left a lot of hours to enjoy with their loved ones. For instance, these days, women are only one switch away from washing clothes and dishes by using washing machine and dishwasher. Which both tasks were taking half of the day before the invention of these machines. Moreover, machines have accelerated country's development. These electric gadgets are becoming centre of business centre, which produces more consumes less time as well as energy. As a consequence, it produces enough products not only to fulfil own region's requirements, but also to meet the other land's necessities, by which a nation can earn billions of dollars through export business, which strengthens their economy. For example, Due to technology in trade, USA is one of the strongest economies with the highest export business. In down side, machines have snatched millions of unskilled people's employment. To exemplify, in car making company thousands of people were needed to make material and joint parts, but now, all work has been taken by robotics. In conclusion, even though the introduction of machines has some demerits, I strongly deem that benefits outweigh disadvantages, as negative aspects of it can be avoided if workers strive to learn some skills for getting employment.
INTRODUCTION-
Undoubtedly
, in this technological advanced era,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
are considered
complete all complicated works. I intend that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of it has definitely brought much more benefits than drawbacks
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
has had a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
load trial load of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
and boosted nation's economy.

In the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
effects,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
is
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "dropping".
dropping down
daily routine struggle time.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Today
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
do not require Human's attention and can
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
by themselves
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
after pushing the 'on' button, by which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
left
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
hours to enjoy with their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
loved
ones.
For instance
, these days, women are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
one switch away from washing clothes and dishes by using washing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machine
and dishwasher. Which both tasks were taking half of the day
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
the invention of these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
have accelerated country's development. These electric gadgets are becoming
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
of business
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
, which produces more consumes less time
as well
as energy. As a consequence, it produces
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
products not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
to fulfil
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
region's requirements,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
the other land's necessities, by which a nation can earn billions of dollars through export business, which strengthens their economy.
For example
, Due to technology in trade, USA is one of the strongest economies with the highest export business.

In
Did you mean "downside"?
down side
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
have snatched millions of unskilled
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
's employment. To exemplify, in car making
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
company
thousands of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
were needed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
material and joint parts,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
work
has
been taken
by robotics.

In conclusion
,
even though
the introduction of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
machines
has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
demerits, I
strongly
deem that benefits outweigh disadvantages, as
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects of it can
be avoided
if workers strive to learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
for getting employment.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay People will spend less time cooking and preparing food in twenty years. v. 7

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
282 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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