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Do you agree or disagree with the following statements In twenty years that would be fewer cars in use that there are todayUse specific reasons and details to support your answer. v.2

In twenty years that would be fewer cars in use that there are todayUse specific reasons and details to support your answer. v. 2
I completely disagree, I feel exactly the opposite of the statement. The world’s population is increasing in a exponential way and together with this, the number of cars is getting bigger and bigger. Nowadays, everyone wants to have a car. Especially, because cars give people the independence to get from one place to another quickly. However, the same people that enjoy this independence, get angry when they spend several hours in a traffic jam. It is pretty normal that people pass more than one hour in traffic, at least here in Brazil. Chiefly in the big cities, citizens need to get up earlier to arrive at their job on time. Of course, the quality of life decreases so much. Beyond less hours of sleep and a lot of time driving to work, people have become mentally and physically exhausted. For instance, last week my brother was busy and could not take my dad to work. So, I went. But, here in my city the traffic is just terrible at 5 p. m and I spent almost 2 hours getting back home that day. When I arrived at my dad’s house my mind was completely blacked out. Unfortunately, simple activities could be a nightmare with the amount of cars that we currently have. I am a P. h. D student and if I have an important activity to do at the university, I need to reschedule my activities to guarantee that I’ll arrive at the university on time. For example, last semester we were taking biochemistry classes with Mr. Araujo and that specific day a girl from the class was supposed to show her work for us (Mr. Araujo would then grade her presentation). Our classes started at 8 a. m, but the girl did not arrive on time. We stayed waiting for her until 10 a. m. When she finally arrived, she told us that she was stuck in traffic. I remember that I was just imagining if I was her, how ashamed I would be. So, we cannot assume that the traffic will be fine. It is much better to come earlier and wait for the professor than to have the traffic effect your whole day. Truly, we cannot deny that cars provide a kind of comfort for our lives, but we need to be aware of the damage to the planet generated by the fuel that we frequently use in cars. It is possible to reduce this with simple actions like offering to car pool or even walking when possible. Unfortunately, we do not always think like this. For example, my boyfriend’s family is about 7 people and everyone has their own car. Even when they are going to the same place, they never offer each other a ride just because each one prefers to go in their own car. To me this type behavior is not good, we need to think more about the world in general not only ourselves. For those reasons I believe that the number of cars is increasing in the short term. Even though there are benefits offered by cars, we need to pay attention because there are a lot of things involved while we are just driving. Certainly, our planet is one of those things.
I completely disagree, I feel exactly the opposite of the statement. The world’s population is increasing
Consider replacing "in a exponential way" with the adverb for "exponential"; e.g., "in a hasty manner" with "hastily".
in a exponential way
and together with this, the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
is getting bigger and bigger. Nowadays, everyone wants to have a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
.
Especially
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
give
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
the independence to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
from one place to another
quickly
.
However
, the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
that enjoy this independence,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
angry when they spend several
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
jam.

It is pretty normal that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
pass more than one
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hour
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
, at least here in Brazil.
Chiefly
in the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
cities, citizens
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
up earlier to arrive at their job on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
Of course
, the quality of life decreases
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
much. Beyond less
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
of sleep and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
driving to work,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
have become mentally and
physically
exhausted.
For instance
, last week my brother was busy and could not take my dad to work.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, I went.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
, here in my city the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
terrible at 5 p. m and I spent almost 2
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hours
getting back home that day.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
I arrived at my dad’s
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
my mind was completely blacked out.

Unfortunately, simple activities could be a nightmare with the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
that we
currently
have. I am a P. h. D student and if I have an
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
activity to do at the university, I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to reschedule my activities to guarantee that I’ll arrive at the university on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
For example
, last semester we were taking biochemistry classes with Mr.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Araujo
and that specific day a girl from the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
was supposed
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
show
her work for us (Mr.
Possible spelling mistake found.
Araujo
would then grade her presentation). Our classes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
at 8 a. m,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the girl did not arrive on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. We stayed waiting for her until 10 a. m. When she
finally
arrived, she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
told
us that she
was stuck
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
. I remember that I was
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
imagining if I was her, how ashamed I would be.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
So
, we cannot assume that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
will be fine. It is much better to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
earlier and wait for the professor than to have the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
traffic
effect your whole day.

Truly
, we cannot deny that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
provide a kind of comfort for our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to be aware of the damage to the planet generated by the fuel that we
frequently
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
. It is possible to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
this with simple actions like offering to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
pool or even walking when possible. Unfortunately, we do not always
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
like this.
For example
, my boyfriend’s family is about 7
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
and everyone has their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
. Even when they are going to the same place, they never offer each other a ride
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
each one prefers to go in their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
car
. To me this type behavior is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
, we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
more about the world
in general
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
ourselves.

For those reasons I believe that the number of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
is increasing in the short term.
Even though
there are benefits offered by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cars
, we
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
need
to pay attention
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
things involved while we are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
driving.
Certainly
, our planet is one of those things.
11Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
35Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay In twenty years that would be fewer cars in use that there are todayUse specific reasons and details to support your answer. v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
543 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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