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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? For the successful development of a country, it is more important for a government to spend money on the education of very young children(five to ten years old) than to spend money on universities. Use v.452

For the successful development of a country, it is more important for a government to spend money on the education of very young children(five to ten years old) than to spend money on universities. Use v. 452
One of the challenging section for the government is where assign the country budgets in order to causes the best results for the future. The arguments is whether focusing on the education of very young children or on universities. I believe that because of following reasons, the governments must spend budgets on the universities. To begin with, I advocate that the youth is making the universities' population, and these persons have considered seriously their own lives recently. As a results, they would appreciate the government consideration more than little kids. In fact, the kids do not realize the significant meaning beyond of the government consideration because playing is the only thing that is matter for them in the initiated ages. In addition, I claim that the universities' facilities must be enhanced by the governments, due to the fact that the youth are the future of the society and they will fill all job positions. Hence, the government must provide them advanced educational tools for better studying. Also, the universities must be supplied by entertainment budgets that students could utilize for healthy mind. I must mentions that the youth will be parents of the kids, so if they have supportive jobs, kids would be affected as well. Last but not the least, I think that these are the graduated students who build fundamentals of the country economic. Due to that, the governments have to provide extended job positions for them and reduce the competition between them for achieving careers. On the other hand, the kids are just consumers and have no benefit for the country right now. To sum up, I am of the conviction that the government must focus on the students because they take lives more seriously, they need better education for building future and they will build economic of the country.
One of the challenging section for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
is where assign the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
budgets in order to causes the best results for the future. The arguments
You should probably use: "are".
is
whether focusing on the education of
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
young children or on
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
. I believe that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of following reasons, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
spend budgets on the universities.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, I advocate that the youth is making the
Possible spelling mistake found.
universities&
#039; population, and these persons have considered
seriously
their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
recently. As
Don't use indefinite articles with plural words. Did you mean "a result" or simply "results"?
a results
, they would appreciate the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
consideration more than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
little
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
. In fact, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
do not realize the significant meaning beyond of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
consideration
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
playing is the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
thing
that is
matter for them in the initiated ages.

In addition
, I claim that the
Possible spelling mistake found.
universities&
#039; facilities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be enhanced
by the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
, due to the fact that the youth are the future of the
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
society and
they will fill all job positions.
Hence
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
provide them advanced educational tools for better studying.
Also
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
universities
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be supplied
by entertainment budgets that students could utilize for healthy mind. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
The verb 'must' requires the base form of the verb: "mention"
mentions
that the youth will be parents of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
if they have supportive jobs,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
would be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
as well
.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not the least, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
that these are the graduated students who build fundamentals of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
economic. Due to that, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
governments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
provide extended job positions for them and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the competition between them for achieving careers.
On the other hand
, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
kids
are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
consumers and have no benefit for the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
right
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
.

To sum up, I am of the conviction that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
focus on the students
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they take
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
more
seriously
, they need better education for building
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
future and
they will build economic of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
21Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay For the successful development of a country, it is more important for a government to spend money on the education of very young children(five to ten years old) than to spend money on universities. Use v. 452

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
303 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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