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Some people think that school should reward students who show the best academic results, while others believe that it is more important to reward students who show improvements. Discuss both views v.2

Some people think that school should reward students who show the best academic results, while others believe that it is more important to reward students who show improvements. 2
It is argued that safeguarding endangered species is a waste of resource since there is no adequate place in the 21st century. In my opinion, I disagree that protecting animals is a waste of resource. Firstly, this essay will discuss about the benefits of wild animals and secondly, how humans should help by preventing forest trees and constructing industries or factories in forest area. The main idea of conserving forest is that it attracts as favourite tourist spots for many families which allows them to see different type of animals in one place. In most of the countries, Wild animals are the growing assets of the nation. Also the revenue generated from this can be used for maintenance of forest and helps to buy food or essentials for animals. For Example, The Vandaloor zoo located at Chennai visited by the majority of tourists during the month of April to June and it helps government to generate greater revenue. Humans play a vital role in todays modernisation of the world. They often tend to cut forest trees and constructing factories since there is an ample amount of space. Due to this number of species getting decreased gradually. It helps to detect major earthquakes and abnormalities. Also, The Leather and woollen are made using an animal skin. For Instance, In India Majority of leather products are exported around the world which in turn increases the popularity. To conclude, Wild animals should be preserved because of their major benefits. Wild animals attract as a tourist spot because of their giant attractive appearances. Deforestation should be greatly reduced in order to support animals conservation.
It
is argued
that safeguarding endangered species is a waste of resource since there is no adequate place in the 21st century. In my opinion, I disagree that protecting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
is a waste of resource.
Firstly
, this essay will
Did you mean simply "discuss the"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about the
benefits of wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
and
secondly
, how humans should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
help
by preventing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forest
trees and constructing industries or factories in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forest
area.

The main
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
of conserving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forest
is that it attracts as
Possible spelling mistake. 'favourite' is British English.
favourite
tourist spots for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
families which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
type of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
in one place. In most of the countries, Wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
are the growing assets of the nation.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Also
the revenue generated from this can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
for maintenance of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forest
and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
buy
food or essentials for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
.
For Example
, The
Possible spelling mistake found.
Vandaloor
zoo located at Chennai visited by the majority of tourists during the month of April to June and it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
to generate greater revenue.

Humans play a vital role in
Possible spelling mistake found.
todays
Possible spelling mistake. 'modernisation' is British English.
modernisation
of the world. They
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
tend to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
cut
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
forest
trees and constructing factories since there is an ample amount of space. Due to this number of species getting decreased
gradually
. It
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
helps
to detect major earthquakes and abnormalities.
Also
, The Leather and
Possible spelling mistake found.
woollen
are made
using an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animal
skin.
For Instance
, In India Majority of leather products
are exported
around the world which in turn increases the popularity.

To conclude
, Wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
should
be preserved
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their major benefits. Wild
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
animals
attract as a tourist spot
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their giant attractive appearances. Deforestation should be
greatly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
in order to support
Possible typo: apostrophe is missing. Did you mean "animals'" or "animal's"?
animals
conservation.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that school should reward students who show the best academic results, while others believe that it is more important to reward students who show improvements. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
270 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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