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do you agree or disagree with the following statement: the university will spend money on dormitory to improve the life quality of students, which of the following do you thin is the best way? providing a room for quiet study; building an exercise room; p v.2

: the university will spend money on dormitory to improve the life quality of students, which of the following do you thin is the best way? providing a room for quiet study; building an exercise room; p v. 2
It' s a good idea that the university will plan to rebuild the dormitory which can improve the life quality of students. With the three choices given, to me, an exercise room is more favorable than the other two plans. Because the other two rooms could be realized better in other ways while the exercise room would benefit the students most. I will address my view there in after. First of all, in my opinion, doing gyms is the best way for young people to stay away from the disease which would drag ones' study. And the more important merit is that we can relax our nerve which was deeply consumption in studying. Once I was preparing the final exam just two days later, I still remembered the nights when I was learning, it was a struggle against sleepy eyes. Then I decided to put away the books made me sleeping and went out to run. Had been jogging for 50 minutes, I was on myself again. Then the second half of the study that night began. In the end, I passed that exam. Thus if I want to concentrate on studying, I will have no hesitation to keep on exercising. It would be fantastic if there is an exercise room which can do gyms conveniently just downstairs my living room. Secondly, an exercise room would be a fabulous place to play with friends. Especially for these indoor sports. As a Chinese, table tennis is the making friend' s policy of mine. Once at my University in China, when I was playing table tennis with my friends in the stadium, several foreign teachers were interested in the pads in our hands and ball on the table. Then I found their fascination and invited them to play. Then we made good friends with each other as I approached them who were the best foreign players I had ever met, and truly these words worked. Finally, the quiet study room and entertainment room are all available choices while as for me they are not the best one. On one hand, the quiet study rooms are available for students in the teaching building of the university, thus it would not be necessary to build another one in the dormitory. On the other hand, the entertainments are varied in different ways, some people like me do not want to stay indoors all the day and the sunlight and beaches are my choices which favored by many people. Also, I believe the dormitory is the place for students to study and rest which could not emphasize the feature of the entertainment. Because it would disturb the students' studying. In all, I totally agree with this excellent policy that the university will spend money on students' dormitory. Compared with the three choices of rebuilding rooms, I believe that an exercise room would be most favorable than the other two rooms as it is more practical in use which could benefit most of the students in the dormitory. All the students would benefit from doing gyms which could keep healthy and relax.
Possible spelling mistake found.
It&
#039; s a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
will plan to rebuild the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dormitory
which can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the life quality of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
. With the three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
, to me, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
is more favorable than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
two plans.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rooms
could
be realized
better in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
ways while the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
would benefit the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
most. I will address my view there in after.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, in my opinion, doing gyms is the best way for young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to stay away from the disease which would drag
Possible spelling mistake found.
ones&
#039;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
. And the more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
merit is that we can relax our nerve which was
deeply
consumption in studying. Once I was preparing the final exam
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
two days later, I
still
remembered the nights when I was learning, it was a struggle against sleepy eyes. Then I decided to put away the books made me sleeping and went out to run. Had been jogging for 50 minutes, I was on myself again. Then the second half of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
that night began. In the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
end
, I passed that exam.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
if I want to concentrate on studying, I will have no hesitation to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
on exercising. It would be fantastic if there is an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
which can do gyms
conveniently
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
downstairs my living room.

Secondly
, an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
would be a fabulous place to play with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
.
Especially
for these indoor sports. As a Chinese, table tennis is the making
Possible spelling mistake found.
friend&
#039; s policy of mine. Once at my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
University
in China, when I was playing table tennis with my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
in the stadium, several foreign teachers
were interested
in the pads in our hands and ball on the table. Then I found their fascination and invited them to play. Then we made
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
friends
with each
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
as I approached them who were the best foreign players I had ever met, and
truly
these words worked.

Finally
, the quiet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
and entertainment
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
are all available
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
while as for me they are not the best one. On one hand, the quiet
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rooms
are available for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in the teaching building of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
,
thus
it would not be necessary to build another one in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dormitory
. On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, the entertainments
are varied
in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
ways,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
like me do not want to stay indoors all the day and the sunlight and beaches are my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
which favored by
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.
Also
, I believe the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dormitory
is the place for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
study
and rest which could not emphasize the feature of the entertainment.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
it would disturb the
Possible spelling mistake found.
students&
#039; studying.

In all, I
totally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this excellent policy that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
university
will spend money on
Possible spelling mistake found.
students&
#039;
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dormitory
. Compared with the three
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
choices
of rebuilding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rooms
, I believe that an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
exercise
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
room
would be most
Use "(favorable)" to make a comparison with this adjective.
favorable
than the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
two
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
rooms
as it is more practical in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
which could benefit most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dormitory
. All the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
would benefit from doing gyms which could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
healthy and relax.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
52Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8Mistakes

IELTS essay : the university will spend money on dormitory to improve the life quality of students, which of the following do you thin is the best way? providing a room for quiet study; building an exercise room; p v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
515 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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