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Your school wants to improve the quality of students’ life in the dormitory. Which one of the following do you think the school should build in dorms? 1. a quiet study area; 2. an exercise room for students to keep physical well-being; 3. a room for ent v.1

Your school wants to improve the quality of students’ life in the dormitory. Which one of the following do you think the school should build in dorms? 1. a quiet study area; 2. an exercise room for students to keep physical well-being; 3. a room for ent v. 1
As the development of the modern society, there are increasing health problem in our general population. In order to foster public health, some people claims to increase the amount of sport facilities, while others believing in different measures. It goes without saying that the best way to improve body health is taking exercise. According to a plethora of doctors and researchers, they all agree that taking exercise can strengthen our body's immune system and reduce the possibility of getting obesity and others health issues. Take myself as an example, I used to stay at home playing video games all day long, and I got sick easily at that time. However, since the sport centre was built near by my house, I often went there for swimming and jogging. Gradually, I started to maintain the habit of exercising, and my health problem has disappeared. On the other hand, it is not that easy for people to use the sport facilities spontaneously. Otherwise, those facilities would become a waste for the entire society. Therefore, we should also try other measures to improve the public health at the same time. For instance, high-tax for those fast food restaurants, encouraging people riding bike instead of driving for short distance, or provide health management classes for people who needed. To sum up, it will be too narrow if we only focus on building more sport facilities than other various solutions. We should encourage people not only maintain physically active but also remain others options at the same time.
As the development of the modern society, there are increasing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problem in our general population. In order to foster public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
If 'people' is plural here, don't use the third-person singular verb.
claims
to increase the amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
facilities, while others believing in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
measures.

It goes without saying that the best way to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
body
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
is taking exercise. According to a plethora of doctors and researchers, they all
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
that taking exercise can strengthen our body's immune system and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the possibility of getting obesity
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
and others
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
issues. Take myself as an example, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
used
to stay at home playing video games all day long, and I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
sick
easily
at that time.
However
, since the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
was built
Did you mean "nearby"?
near by
my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
house
, I
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
often
went there for swimming and jogging.
Gradually
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
started
to maintain the habit of exercising, and my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
problem has disappeared.

On the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
hand, it is not that easy for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
facilities
spontaneously
.
Otherwise
, those facilities would become a waste for the entire society.
Therefore
, we should
also
try
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
measures to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
the public
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
at the same time.
For instance
, high-tax for those
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
food restaurants, encouraging
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
riding bike
instead
of driving for short distance, or provide
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
health
management classes for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
who needed.

To sum up, it will be too narrow if we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
focus on building more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
sport
facilities than
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
various solutions. We should encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
maintain
physically
active
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
remain others options at the same time.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Your school wants to improve the quality of students’ life in the dormitory. Which one of the following do you think the school should build in dorms? 1. a quiet study area; 2. an exercise room for students to keep physical well-being; 3. a room for ent v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
253 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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