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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement The invention of the Internet has had negative effects on your civilization Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion v.1

The invention of the Internet has had negative effects on your civilization Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion v. 1
Owing to the recent development of change in customer's preference in shopping in large shopping centres or mall to their shopping rather than patronizing small in the neighbourhood as in fact led to the closure of the small local store. Personally, I feel this trend will have a negative impact on the individual as well as society at large. Shoppers shopping in large shopping malls has caused the local shops to fold up which have resulted in most employed individuals to lose their job. This means that most homes will be affected when the breadwinner's source of income is being jeopardized due to disengagement from work. In the same vein lack of job might result in an increase in the rate of crime in society in order for people to sustain their basic needs of life. As an example, is the high rise of kidnapping in Onitsha Area in the East of Nigeria was found to be caused by joblessness of the youth. Another point to consider is that it might lead to underdeveloped of the rural area of the community since most business activities are being carried out in the city centres. This, in turn, might reduce the tourist visit in such an environment because they might find it difficult to get their normal daily needs when staying in the area. Studies have shown that a town that is well developed to attract more foreign people to explore such a locality. Therefore, the government should make awareness of the benefits of shopping in the locality to the people. Furthermore, closing down of local shops will invariably result in a reduction in the gross domestic product of their town which in turn affect the gross national income. To Conclude, customers patronizing bigger shopping centre has resulted in a local store to close business this seems to be a negative development as it has led to the loss of a job, developing rate of town and in turn affect the economic well-being of people in the society at large.
Owing to the recent development of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
in customer's preference in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
in large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
or mall to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
rather
than patronizing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
in the
Possible spelling mistake. 'neighbourhood' is British English.
neighbourhood
as in fact led to the closure of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
store.
Personally
, I feel this trend will have a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impact on the individual
as well
as society at large.

Shoppers
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
in large
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
malls has caused the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
shops to fold up which have resulted in most employed individuals to lose their job. This means that most homes will be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
affected
when the breadwinner's source of income is
being jeopardized
due to disengagement from work. In the same vein lack of job
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
result in an increase in the rate of crime in society in order for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to sustain their basic needs of life. As an example, is the high rise of kidnapping in
Possible spelling mistake found.
Onitsha
Area in the East of Nigeria
was found
to
be caused
by joblessness of the youth.

Another point to consider is that it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
lead to underdeveloped of the rural area of the community since most business activities are
being carried
out in the city
Possible spelling mistake. 'centres' is British English.
centres
. This, in turn,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduce
the tourist visit in such an environment
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
find it difficult to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
their normal daily needs when staying in the area. Studies have shown that a town
that is
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well developed
to attract more foreign
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to explore such a locality.
Therefore
, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
awareness of the benefits of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
in the locality to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
.
Furthermore
, closing down of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
shops will
invariably
result in a reduction in the gross domestic product of their town which in turn affect the gross national income.

To Conclude
, customers patronizing bigger
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
Possible spelling mistake. 'centre' is British English.
centre
has resulted in a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
local
store to close business this seems to be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
development as it has led to the loss of a job, developing rate of town and in turn affect the economic well-being of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in the society at large.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The invention of the Internet has had negative effects on your civilization Use specific reasons and examples to support your opinion v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
338 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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