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2226 what is the important invention before the age of computer? what is the inventionwhy do you think it is very importantwhat are the advantages and disadvantages of the invention v.1

2226 what is the important invention before the age of computer? what is the inventionwhy do you think it is very importantwhat are the advantages and disadvantages of the invention v. 1
In today routines, there is a growing trend revolving around online shopping whether it benefits or disadvantages. Most of popular online items which people usually purchase are books, air tickets as well as groceries. From my perspective, I definitely believe that this kind of shopping will have more negative impacts due to certain reasons. On the one hand, the foundation of online shopping makes an economic boom to our lives because it generally plays a critical role in saving shopping time for modern offices and even its convenience. First, the most popular advantage of online shopping is saving time because consumers can easily get access to shopping websites to purchase anything for their demands. For instance, most technology companies have been developing shopping apps such as Amazon and Tiki. Besides, in terms of the wide range of shopping stores on websites, people are able to have multiple options among product retailers or brands. Thus, the more convenient people feel as doing shopping online, the more popular and better influences online shopping takes on us. On the other hand, it is undeniable that shopping on the Internet has many risks of such a monetary security as well as our health. First of all, the majority of consumers are getting more cautious with online retailers’ tricks. Because people roughly find out and look at showing pictures and price which the shop provide on the websites, many of them may not have enough time to take a delicacy on the product information in order to recognize the real quality. Consequently, certain customers will lose their money if they do not choose the reliable online stores. Apart from that point, online shopping requires people to spend a bunch of time on the smartphone screen, thus it will affect to our eyesight and health. For example, our fitness level may be reduced if we take a long time on the Internet and do not go outside for fresh air and sunlight. In conclusion, although there are some positive impacts that e-commerce is overwhelming by the results of modern technology, I am convinced by the disadvantage of online shopping trend because of its lack of reliable aspects.
In
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
routines, there is a growing trend revolving around
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
whether it benefits or disadvantages.
Consider using "Most popular" or "Most of the popular".
Most of popular
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
items which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
usually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
are books, air tickets
as well
as groceries. From my perspective, I definitely believe that this kind of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
will have more
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts due to certain reasons.

On the one hand, the foundation of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
an economic boom to our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
it
generally
plays a critical role in saving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
for modern offices and even its convenience.
First
, the most popular advantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
is saving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
consumers can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
access to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
websites to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
purchase
anything for their demands.
For instance
, most technology
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
have been developing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
apps such as Amazon and
Possible spelling mistake found.
Tiki
.
Besides
, in terms of the wide range of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
stores on websites,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
are able to have multiple options among product retailers or brands.
Thus
, the more convenient
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
feel as doing
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
, the more popular and better influences
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
takes on us.

On the other hand
, it is undeniable that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
on the Internet has
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
of such a monetary security
as well
as our health.
This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, the majority of consumers are getting more cautious with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
retailers’ tricks.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
roughly find out and look at showing pictures and price which the shop
Possible agreement error - use third-person verb forms for singular and mass nouns: "provides".
provide
on the websites,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
of them may not have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to take a delicacy on the product information in order to recognize the real quality.
Consequently
, certain customers will lose their money if they do not choose the reliable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
stores. Apart from that point,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
requires
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
to spend a bunch of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on the smartphone screen,
thus
it will affect to our eyesight and health.
For example
, our fitness level may be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
reduced
if we take a long
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
on the Internet and do not go outside for fresh air and sunlight.

In conclusion
, although there are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impacts that e-commerce is overwhelming by the results of modern technology, I
am convinced
by the disadvantage of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
online
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
shopping
trend
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of its lack of reliable aspects.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes
If you talk to a man in a language he understands, that goes to his head. If you talk to him in his own language, that goes to his heart.
Nelson Mandela

IELTS essay 2226 what is the important invention before the age of computer? what is the inventionwhy do you think it is very importantwhat are the advantages and disadvantages of the invention v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
361 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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