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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement Professional athletes such football and basketball player do not deserve the high salaries that they are paid v.1

Professional athletes such football and basketball player do not deserve the high salaries that they are paid v. 1
Nowadays, it is commonly accepted that professional athletes, such as football players, are paid much more than they deserve. Contrary to this popular belief, there are those who still argue that the salary of athletes must be high due to the nature of their profession. I, to a great extent, agree with this idea that professional athletes deserve their high rate wages. My statement will be substantiated by the following paragraphs. To begin with, in contrast to the other persons in the other jobs, they cannot professionally work more than 10 years. They will reach out the peak of their profession when they are in 30s and after that their performance wanes until they have to announce their retirement. At this time, while most of them do not have any skill they become jobless and the only thing that they can possibly do is taking a risk and investing their money on something and hoping to make profits to afford their living expenses after retiree. As an example, Houshang is one of the old football players which his salary during the time was the highest rate. Last year, we found that he is bankrupted and now he owes a large amount of money to banks. Another significant fact that should be taken into consideration is that continuing such profession for even 5 years is not guaranteed at all because such people are likely to get injured in every moment. When they get injured, they should tolerate much pain and may have several surgical operations to come back to the field again. Also, there some cases that player has accidentally been injured during a match such that he could not come back to the field again. Additionally, there have been some players that have passed away during the matches due to heart attacks which are caused by high stresses. For instance, Alireza is one of such athletes in my country that got badly injured during a football match and now he is paralyzed. Hence, such people which dedicate their health and life to entertain people, are deserved to be paid at a high rate. Due to the aforementioned ground, I firmly believed that athletes must be paid at high rates. Professional athletes put their time and health to play in matches while they know they cannot work for a long period of time and also they can be hurt in every moment.
Nowadays, it is
commonly
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
accepted
that professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
, such as football
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
,
are paid
much more than they deserve. Contrary to this popular belief, there are those who
still
argue that the salary of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
due to the nature of their profession. I, to a great extent,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with this
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
that professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
deserve their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
rate wages. My statement will
be substantiated
by the following paragraphs.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
in contrast
to the other persons in the other jobs, they cannot
professionally
work more than 10 years. They will reach out the peak of their profession when they are in 30s and after that their performance wanes until they
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
have to
announce their retirement. At this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, while most of them do not have any
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
they become jobless and the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
thing that they can
possibly
do is taking a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
and investing their money on something and hoping to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
profits to afford their living expenses after retiree. As an example, Houshang is one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
football
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
which his salary during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
was the highest rate. Last year, we found that he
is bankrupted
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
he owes a large amount of money to banks.

Another significant fact that should
be taken
into consideration is that continuing such profession for even 5 years is not guaranteed at all
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are likely to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
injured
in every moment. When they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
injured
, they should tolerate much pain and may have several surgical operations to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back to the field again.
Also
, there
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
cases that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
player
has
accidentally
been
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
injured
during a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
match
such that he could not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
back to the field again.
Additionally
, there have been
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
players
that have passed away during the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
matches
due to heart attacks which
are caused
by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
stresses
.
For instance
,
Possible spelling mistake found.
Alireza
is one of such
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
in my country that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
badly
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
injured
during a football
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
match
and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
he
is paralyzed
.
Hence
, such
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
which dedicate their health and life to entertain
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
,
are deserved
to
be paid
at a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
rate.

Due to the aforementioned ground, I
firmly
believed that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
be paid
at
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
high
rates. Professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
put their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and health to play in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
matches
while they know they cannot work for a long period of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
and
also
they can
be hurt
in every moment.
8Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
27Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
1Mistakes
I love commuting between languages just like I love commuting between cultures and cities.
Elif Safak

IELTS essay Professional athletes such football and basketball player do not deserve the high salaries that they are paid v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
401 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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