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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement? Professional athletes, such as football and basketball player, do not deserve the high salaries that they are paid. v.745

Professional athletes, such as football and basketball player, do not deserve the high salaries that they are paid. v. 745
As some people may hold the view that the professional athletes should earn a huge amount of money since they deserve that; however, some others take an opposite viewpoint and believe that the athletes' high wages are unfair. I personally agree with the second belief. In the following paragraphs, I will delve into the most outstanding reasons which persuade me to put forward this perspective. The first exquisite reason which advocates my idea is that they are not well-educated. Most of the masterly sportsmen do not have the diploma of graduated education. They study just in the high schools and after that devoid the big portion of their times to the physical schooling. On the other hand, the big ratios of society who possess a professional occupation spend more than four years to gain the sufficient and appropriate base and knowledge for their tasks. In this unbalance condition, which athletes do not afford the required training system, the sportsmen earn more than those who spend the best and important span of their life for the education. Hence, it illustrates the unjust salary devotion. The second reason is the negative effect of these promoted incomes in the society. As the athletes earn a huge amount of the money for their functions which do not have any productivity in the society, most of the young people are inclined to participate in this kind of activities. Thus, it threats the country' s productivities and financial income resources. According to the noteworthy and intelligible survey conducted in my country, approximately sixty nine percent of the teenagers at the high schools of Tehran are willing to become the professional athletes. Consequently, it depicts the economic crisis which our country will face in the remote future as a result of deficient experts in the industrial fields. The last reason which confirms the accuracy of my viewpoint is sometimes they do not do their job in the best way. As the athletes assign the contract the salaries and incomes are guaranteed. There are no any factors to blind their wage source. They gain the money either they win the match or not. In some situation, based upon their health or emotional problems they are not motivated to present their best function. However, they obtain that specific amount of money. A vivid example can be given to shed light on the subject is our country' s star football player. In one of the important match with their competitor he did not play as well as he can, while he gains his salary completely. Did he really justify that income? To wrap it up, all aforementioned reasons and examples lead to conclusion that the professional athletes do not deserve that bulk of money, because they do not have the sufficient education, have the negative impacts on the productivity, and do not play decently every time.
As
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
may hold the view that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
should earn a huge amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
since they deserve that;
however
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
others take an opposite viewpoint and believe that the
Possible spelling mistake found.
athletes&
#039; high wages are unfair. I
personally
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the second belief. In the following paragraphs, I will delve into the most outstanding
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
which persuade me to put forward this perspective.

The
first
exquisite
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
which advocates my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
is that they are not well-educated. Most of the
masterly
sportsmen do not have the diploma of graduated education. They study
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
in the high schools and after that devoid the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
portion of their times to the physical schooling.
On the other hand
, the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
ratios of society who possess a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
occupation spend more than four years to gain the sufficient and appropriate base and knowledge for their tasks. In this unbalance condition, which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
do not afford the required training system, the sportsmen earn more than those who spend the best and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
span of their life for the education.
Hence
, it illustrates the unjust salary devotion.

The second
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
is the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect of these promoted incomes in the society. As the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
earn a huge amount of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for their functions which do not have any productivity in the society, most of the young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are inclined
to participate in this kind of activities.
Thus
, it threats the
Possible spelling mistake found.
country&
#039; s
Possible spelling mistake found.
productivities
and financial income resources. According to the noteworthy and intelligible survey conducted in my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
, approximately
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
sixty nine
percent of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
at the high schools of Tehran are willing to become the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
.
Consequently
, it depicts the economic crisis which our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
will face in the remote future
as a result
of deficient experts in the industrial fields.

The last
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
which confirms the accuracy of my viewpoint is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
they do not do their job in the best way. As the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
assign the contract the salaries and incomes
are guaranteed
. There are
Did you mean "now" (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
no
any factors to blind their wage source. They gain the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
either they win the match or not. In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
situation, based upon their health or emotional problems they are not motivated to present their best function.
However
, they obtain that specific amount of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. A vivid example can be
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
to shed light on the subject is our
Possible spelling mistake found.
country&
#039; s star football player. In one of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
match with their competitor he did not play
as well
as he can, while he gains his salary completely. Did he
really
justify that income?

To wrap it up, all aforementioned
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
and examples lead to conclusion that the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
professional
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
athletes
do not deserve that bulk of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they do not have the sufficient education, have the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts on the productivity, and do not play
decently
every time.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
25Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes
One language sets you in a corridor for life. Two languages open every door along the way.
Frank Smith

IELTS essay Professional athletes, such as football and basketball player, do not deserve the high salaries that they are paid. v. 745

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
476 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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