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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement It s better to spend money enjoying life like going on vacation than to save money for the future v.2

It s better to spend money enjoying life like going on vacation than to save money for the future v. 2
Money management can be a very important lesson to everyone. Different people hold different opinions about spending their money. Some people prefer to have a “carpe diem” mentality, it while others believe that it is better to save it for future use. I agree with the former one. First, spending money currently brings good life quality. Nowadays, it is necessary for us to release our pressure so that we won' t suffer from serious physical or mental health problems. To accomplish that, we pay on what we love, even small and trivial, to bring sort of indirect joy to life. For example, going on vacation enables us to breathe the fresh air and view the beautiful sceneries, keeping us from concentrating on troubles in the reality. Buying a beautiful dress enlightens us so that we won' t feel sad about the difficulties we meet. It is more meaningful to have a happy life than a rich one. Second, spending money presently leads to self-improvement and makes more money. It is because people invest their money wisely on enhancing themselves, which helps them be more competitive in the job market or have more channels to earn money. For example, by joining in a yoga club or buying expensive makeup, people can promote their outer appearance so that they can leave a good first impression or have more chances to be appreciated by their leaders. It will result in job advancement and growing social network. Similarly, When going back to vacation, people can share their travel experience on the website or even publish a book about their trips. People are also able to become a dance coach after dancing for relax for years. Spending money on our hobbies can enrich our experience and boost our overall abilities, resulting in more job choices and several revenue channels. Admittedly, some people may claim that saving money can encounter with the potential risks in the future. Specifically, some people worry about the large expenses on education. However, if we have a second thought, we will realize that money is not the primary thing children want. They want their parents to spend money to go on vacation together, which can also broaden children' s horizons and let them experience different cultures. They hope their parents to accompany them to play sports together, which guarantee their strong body. They wish their parents to have a lot of unique stories to tell about their spare time, such as going hiking or doing the hand-draft, which is also a good way to foster their interests in certain areas. In this way, children will have a happier life and become an interesting person. The reason we earn money is because we need to spend it. Instead of saving money for potential future risks, it is more advisable to spend the money at present.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Money
management can be a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
lesson to everyone.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Different
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
hold
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
opinions about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
prefer to have a “carpe diem” mentality, it while others believe that it is better to save it for future
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
. I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agree
with the former one.

First
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
currently
brings
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
quality. Nowadays, it is necessary for us to release our pressure
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that we
Possible spelling mistake found.
won&
#039; t suffer from serious physical or mental health problems. To accomplish that, we pay on what we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
, even
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
and trivial, to bring sort of indirect joy to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
.
For example
, going on vacation enables us to breathe the fresh air and view the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
sceneries, keeping us from concentrating on troubles in the reality. Buying a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
beautiful
dress enlightens us
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that we
Possible spelling mistake found.
won&
#039; t feel sad about the difficulties we
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
meet
. It is more meaningful to have a happy
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
than a rich one.

Second,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
presently
leads to self-improvement and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
. It is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
invest their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
wisely
on enhancing themselves, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
helps
them be more competitive in the job market or have more channels to earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
.
For example
, by joining in a yoga club or buying expensive makeup,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can promote their outer appearance
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
that they can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
first
impression or have more chances to
be appreciated
by their leaders. It will result in job advancement and growing social network.
Similarly
, When going back to vacation,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
can share their travel experience on the website or even publish a book about their trips.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
are
also
able to become a dance coach after dancing for relax for years.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
on our hobbies can enrich our experience and boost our
overall
abilities, resulting in more job choices and several revenue channels.

Admittedly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may claim that saving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
can encounter with the potential
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
in the future.
Specifically
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
worry about the large expenses on education.
However
, if we have a second
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
thought
, we will realize that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is not the primary thing children want. They want their parents to spend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
to go on vacation together, which can
also
broaden
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s horizons and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
let
them experience
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
cultures. They hope their parents to accompany them to play sports together, which guarantee their strong body.
Three successive sentences begin with the same word. Consider rewording the sentence or use a thesaurus to find a synonym.
They
wish their parents to have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
unique stories to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
tell
about their spare time, such as going hiking or doing the hand-draft, which is
also
a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
way to foster their interests in certain areas. In this way, children will have a happier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and become an interesting person.

The reason we earn
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we need to spend it.
Instead
of saving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
for potential future
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risks
, it is more advisable to spend the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
money
at present.
14Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
5Mistakes
Knowledge of languages is the doorway to wisdom.
Roger Bacon

IELTS essay It s better to spend money enjoying life like going on vacation than to save money for the future v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
473 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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