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Hosting sporting events such as the Olympics and the world cup can bring benefits to the host countries. How far do you agree with this statements? Use your examples to support. v.3

Hosting sporting events such as the Olympics and the world cup can bring benefits to the host countries. How far Use your examples to support. v. 3
Nowadays, whether hosting sporting events such as the Olympics and the World Cup bring benefits to the host countries has attracted numerous controversies and has drawn the attention from the public. I my opinion, hosting sporting events can give plethora advantages to the host countries due to financial and social reason. At the outset, there are myriad arguments in favor of my instances. The most predominant one stems from the facts that hosting sporting events such as the Olympics and the World Cup increase the local sales and revenues. In order to get an authentic reflection, many people from various countries attend the major events and spend lot of money in hosting country. Thus there is a massive increase in sales and revenues. The most perceptible example I can quote here a football world cup was hosted in Russia and millions of spectators participated in this event who spend lavishly in accommodation and feeding. Another pivotal aspect of the hosting sporting programs is helpful in increasing the employment rate. It is worth perceiving that there are more people require to manage the crowd which increase the demand of labor. The most impeccable example that could be provided here is Olympics which held in USA increase the employment rate. To conclude, after taking above stated points into consideration, I can inclined to believe that hosting sporting events such as the Olympics and World Cup can give innumerable advantages to the host countries. Not only does the sporting events contribute revenues and employments but also it brings peace and friendship.
Nowadays, whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hosting
sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
such as the Olympics and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
World
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Cup
bring benefits to the host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
has attracted numerous controversies and has drawn the attention from the public. I my opinion,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hosting
sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
can give plethora advantages to the host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
due to financial and social reason.

At the outset, there are myriad arguments in favor of my instances. The most predominant one stems from the facts that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hosting
sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
such as the Olympics and the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
World
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Cup
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
the local sales and revenues. In order to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
an authentic reflection,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
from various
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
attend the major
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
and spend
It seems that an article is missing.
lot of
money in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hosting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
country
.
Did you forget a comma after a conjunctive/linking adverb?
Thus
there is a massive
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
in sales and revenues. The most perceptible example I can quote here a football
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
world
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
cup
was hosted
in Russia and millions of spectators participated in this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
event
who spend
lavishly
in accommodation and feeding.

Another pivotal aspect of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hosting
sporting programs is helpful in increasing the employment rate. It is worth perceiving that there are more
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
require to manage the crowd which
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
the demand of labor. The most impeccable example that could
be provided
here is Olympics which held in USA
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
increase
the employment rate.

To conclude
, after taking above stated points into consideration, I can
The verb 'can' requires the base form of the verb: "incline"
inclined
to believe that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
hosting
sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
such as the Olympics and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
World
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Cup
can give innumerable advantages to the host
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
. Not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
does the sporting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
events
contribute revenues and employments
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
it brings peace and friendship.
5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
30Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes
Language is the blood of the soul into which thoughts run and out of which they grow.
Oliver Wendell Holmes

IELTS essay Hosting sporting events such as the Olympics and the world cup can bring benefits to the host countries. How far Use your examples to support. v. 3

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
258 words
5.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 5.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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