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The most important value to share with a young child (5-10 years old)—Helping others —Honesty —Being well organised v.2

The most important value to share with a young child (5-10 years old)—Helping others —Honesty —Being well organised v. 2
It is significant for parents to teach their children important values when they are still young, because children will be more likely to listen to their parents when they are young. Therefore, many parents may ask that what is the most important value for 5-10 years old child to learn? In my opinion, child at this age should learn more about honesty. First of all, there is no doubt that helping others is a considerable value to share with children. However, when children are at the age from 5-10, it is difficult for them to do everything by themselves. In other words, they still need help from other people, then how can they be helpful for other people? For example, when children want to take out something such as a box of toy. They might need their parents help because the box might be too heavy or it can be located at the top of the shelf. As a result, children at the age of 5-10 are still far too young to be helpful for other people. In addition, being well organise is also an important value for children to learn. When children start to go to school. They need to deal with lots of studies and exams. Therefore, it is important for them to know how to organise their daily schedule. However, children at this age may still be too young to learn this. Take my self as an example, my mom start to teach me to be well organise when I was 12. At this age, I can have a better understand and actually start planning my time. If the children are too young, they may not be able to understand it, so it can be time-wasting. Indeed, most of the children at the age of 5-10 will no be able to understand how to become well organise. Last but not least, learn how to be honest is the best value children should learn during this age. To be more specific, young children should learn to be honest to their parents, friends, or even themselves. When some difficulties happen on them, the only way to solve this is to be honest to themselves and find out the real problem. Besides, children can also keep their friendship longer when they are honest. Take one of my classmate as an example, he is extremely helpful and well organise, but he always lies to his friend including me. Therefore, we do not like him because we do not know when he is actually telling the truth. As time past, none of the people in our class will talk with him. As a result, parents should definitely teach their child to be honest. It can not only solve difficulties for children, but also have a better friendship. To sum up, it is extremely important for children to learn an ability that can actually be beneficial to their life. Instead of learning how to help others and being well organised, I think honesty will be the most effective to children’s life. Therefore, it is the virtue parents should cultivate their child when they are young.
It is significant for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
to teach their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
values when they are
still
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young
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
will be more likely to listen to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
when they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
may ask that what is the most
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
value
for 5-10 years
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
old
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
? In my opinion,
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child
at this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
more about honesty.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, there is no doubt that helping others is a considerable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
value
to share with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
However
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
from 5-10, it is difficult for them to do everything by themselves. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
words, they
still
need
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
from
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other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
, then how can they be helpful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
?
For example
, when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
want to take out something such as a box of toy. They might need their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
the box might be too heavy or it can
be located
at the top of the shelf.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 5-10 are
still
far too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
to be helpful for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
.

In addition
, being
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
Consider using a past participle here: "organised".
organise
is
also
an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
value
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
.
“When” at the beginning of a sentence usually requires a 2nd clause. Maybe a comma, question or exclamation mark is missing, or the sentence is incomplete and should be joined with the following sentence.
When
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to go to school. They need to deal with lots of studies and exams.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
, it is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
for them to know how to
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
their daily schedule.
However
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
may
still
be too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
this. Take my self as an example, my mom
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
to teach me to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
Consider using a past participle here: "organised".
organise
when I was 12. At this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
, I can have a better understand and actually
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
planning my time. If the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are too
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
, they may not be able to understand it,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
it can be time-wasting.
Indeed
, most of the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
at the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
of 5-10 will
Did you mean "now" (=at this moment) instead of 'no' (negation)?
no
be able to understand how to become
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
.

Last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
not least,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
how to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
honest
is the best
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
value
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
during this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
age
. To be more specific,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
honest
to their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
, friends, or even themselves. When
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
difficulties happen on them, the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
way to solve this is to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
honest
to themselves and find out the real problem.
Besides
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
keep
their friendship longer when they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
honest
. Take one of my classmate as an example, he is
extremely
helpful and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
well
Possible spelling mistake. 'organise' is British English.
organise
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
he always lies to his friend including me.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
, we do not like him
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
we do not know when he is actually telling the truth. As time past, none of the
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
in our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
class
will talk with him.
As a result
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should definitely teach their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
to be
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
honest
. It can not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
solve difficulties for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
have a better friendship.

To sum up, it is
extremely
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
important
for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
learn
an ability that can actually be beneficial to their life.
Instead
of learning how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
others and being
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
well organised
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
honesty will be the most effective to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children’s
life.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Therefore
, it is the virtue
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
should cultivate their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
child
when they are
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
young
.
30Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
81Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
You can never understand one language until you understand at least two.
Geoffrey Willans

IELTS essay The most important value to share with a young child (5-10 years old)—Helping others —Honesty —Being well organised v. 2

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
522 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 6.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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