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Some people think that they should spend money they earn now enjoying life, while others think that the money should be put into savings for future. Discuss both views and give your opinion. v.1

Some people think that they should spend money they earn now enjoying life, while others think that the money should be put into savings for future. v. 1
Nowadays, people have different perceptions about enjoying life. While some people are of the opinion that, the money they earn should be spent to live life to the fullest, others argue that they should accumulate their funds for a better tomorrow. In this essay, I will discuss both sides of the argument and explain my support for the latter view. First of all, people who burn all their earnings for happiness, believe that they should live in the moment. This culture is highly prevalent in the west, where the slogan “work hard, party harder” was born, which means, work during the weekdays and have fun over the weekends. For example, when I was working in the United Kingdom, I hardly heard anyone speak about saving money for the future; they rather spend on partying every week or travelling once a month. Moreover, they don’t believe in saving because, their government has several benefits for them after retirement on health, public transportation and bi-weekly pension schemes. On the other hand, investing for tomorrow has its own perks as it makes one independent. With the advancements of technology, everybody is replaceable at their workplace. In such scenarios, having backup funds is highly essential for basic survival. Moreover, in case of any health emergency, either for self or among family members, these savings will come to the rescue. For instance, I personally lost my job due to recession and did not find a new one for the next six months. Since I had been saving all this while, I was able to get through the tough situation without asking anyone for help. In addition, it is always necessary to save for the next generations as it provides them with good education which is highly necessary for their successful career ahead. In conclusion, even though instant gratification might provide joy in that moment, I believe in delayed gratification where one is not only self sufficient, but also has a vision for their future generations.
Nowadays,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
perceptions about enjoying life. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
are of the opinion that, the money they earn should
be spent
to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
life to the fullest, others argue that they should accumulate their funds for a better tomorrow. In this essay, I will discuss both sides of the argument and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
explain
my support for the latter view.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
who burn all their earnings for happiness, believe that they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
live
Did you mean "at the moment" (=currently)?
in the moment
. This culture is
highly
prevalent in the west, where the slogan “work
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
, party harder”
was born
, which means, work during the weekdays and have fun over the weekends.
For example
, when I was working in the United Kingdom, I hardly heard anyone speak about
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saving
money for the future; they
rather
spend on partying every week or travelling once a month.
Moreover
, they don’t believe in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saving
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
, their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
has several benefits for them after retirement on health, public transportation and bi-weekly pension schemes.

On the other hand
, investing for tomorrow has its
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
perks as it
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
one independent. With the advancements of technology, everybody is replaceable at their workplace. In such scenarios, having backup funds is
highly
essential for basic survival.
Moreover
, in case of any health emergency, either for self or among family members, these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
savings
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
come
to the rescue.
For instance
, I
personally
lost my job due to recession and did not find a new one for the
next
six months. Since I had been
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
saving
all this while, I was able to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
through the tough situation without asking anyone for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
.
In addition
, it is always necessary to save for the
next
generations as it provides them with
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
education which is
highly
necessary for their successful career ahead.

In conclusion
,
even though
instant gratification might provide joy
The usual collocation for "that moment" is "at" not "in". Did you mean "At that moment"?
in that moment
, I believe in delayed gratification where one is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
self sufficient
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
has a vision for their future generations.
8.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
8.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
8.5Mistakes

IELTS essay Some people think that they should spend money they earn now enjoying life, while others think that the money should be put into savings for future. v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
330 words
8.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 8.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 8.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 8.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 8.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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