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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement It s a waste of money for Government to fund space travel or space exploration Give specific examples and details to support your answer v.1

It s a waste of money for Government to fund space travel or space exploration Give specific examples and details to support your answer v. 1
Many businesses cannot survive without advertising, whilst most of parents are recognizing that those ads have negative influences on how their children have been reacting in today's society. However, I believe it is definitely a positive impact in development, both for the individual and the society. To begin with, companies through social media and news are trying to influence audiences, but it may cause some problems parents concerned about. For instance, hiring celebrities is a familiar marketing technique, since people recognize celebrities and subconsciously see them as trustworthy. Their fame and name act as an argument, a reliable proof that the product or service they support is truly great. However, some of their problematic behaviours, such as reckless behaviour, low self-esteem, and eating disorders, may strike the negative effect on the new generation. Some studies suggest that it is important for teenagers to have good role models to help form their views of themselves. Nevertheless, some media clearly have a positive impact on the younger's view. For example, types of ad from the media are expressing ideals on the controversial issues in the public listing the importance along with tackling every environmental issues. It is also a way of communicating to the audience or the public about the natural world and its resources. By doing so, the advocacy encourages actions towards the environment and advocating a particular stance on an environmental issue. Thus, environmental advocacy ads are inspired of major corporations and environmental organizations such as Green Peace. In conclusion, advertisements have influences in making the younger following. Despite the negative impacts of media and celebrities, I believe that we should focus on the positive trends which are suitable and look appropriate for us.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
businesses cannot survive without advertising, whilst
After 'most of', you should use 'the' ("most of the parents") or simply say "most parents".
most of parents
The verb 'recognizing' is a stative verb and sometimes the progressive form is not correct. Try a simple form instead.
are recognizing
that those ads have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
influences on how their children have been reacting in
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
's society.
However
, I believe it is definitely a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact in development, both for the individual and the society.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
companies
through social
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
and news are trying to influence audiences,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
it may cause
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
problems parents concerned about.
For instance
, hiring celebrities is a familiar marketing technique, since
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
recognize celebrities and
subconsciously
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
see
them as trustworthy. Their fame and name act as an argument, a reliable proof that the product or service they support is
truly
great.
However
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
of their problematic
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviours' is British English.
behaviours
, such as reckless
Possible spelling mistake. 'behaviour' is British English.
behaviour
, low self-esteem, and eating disorders, may strike the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
effect on the new generation.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Some
studies suggest that it is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
teenagers
to have
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
role models to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
form their views of themselves.

Nevertheless
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
clearly
have a 
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
impact on the younger's view.
For example
, types of ad from the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
are expressing ideals on the controversial issues in the public listing the importance along with tackling every
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
issues. It is
also
a way of communicating to the audience or the public about the natural world and its resources. By doing
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
, the advocacy encourages actions towards the environment and advocating a particular stance on an
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
issue.
Thus
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
advocacy ads
are inspired
of major corporations and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
environmental
organizations such as Green Peace.

In conclusion
, advertisements have influences in making the younger following. Despite the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
impacts of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
media
and celebrities, I believe that we should focus on the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
trends which are suitable and look appropriate for us.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay It s a waste of money for Government to fund space travel or space exploration Give specific examples and details to support your answer v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
284 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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