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Nowadays we see an increase in social problems involving teenagers. Many believe that it is because parents spend more time at work and less with their children. Do you agree or disagree v.2

Nowadays we see an increase in social problems involving teenagers. Many believe that it is because parents spend more time at work and less with their children. v. 2
Adolescents need to improve their understanding after finishing their studies. While some people believe they should start reading for this purpose, others think they should spend this time in obtaining other soft skills such as to pursue computer courses. In this essay, I will explore how adults could be benefitted more by taking such computer programs. Those who ascertain children ought to go through reading material after graduating might argue that reading is a vital activity, which could improve other aspects of learning such as writing and speaking. By continuously reading, one can easily improve their language understanding and boost their speaking and writing skills. To illustrate, recent studies have consistently proven that reading provides the main foundation in learning a foreign language. Therefore, allocating more time to this habit, graduates would easily learn an international language, which could increase their sense of accomplishment. However, most people point out that spending time doing computer courses would be crucial to enlighten children’s intelligence, and I support their view. Courses such as MS word, Programming, and Graphics designing provide additional expertise to professionals, which could be vital for their career. For instance, a professional who has completed all these courses apart from their academics has a greater chance to select from a pool of potential job applicants. In contrast, if they did not attempt these courses after finishing with their academics, it would be extremely difficult for them to compete with other candidates in the job market. In conclusion, although some people prefer to spend a high proportionate of time reading after graduating, I would argue that computer-related courses are key to acquire additional qualifications and provide help in career progression.
Adolescents need to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their understanding after finishing their studies. While
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
believe they should
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
start
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
for this purpose, others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
they should spend this
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
in obtaining
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
soft
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as to pursue computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
. In this essay, I will explore how adults could be
Possible spelling mistake found.
benefitted
more by taking such computer programs.

Those who ascertain children ought to go through
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
material after graduating might argue that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
is a vital activity, which could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
aspects of learning such as writing and speaking. By
continuously
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
, one can
easily
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
improve
their language understanding and boost their speaking and writing
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
. To illustrate, recent studies have
consistently
proven that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
provides the main foundation in learning a foreign language.
Therefore
, allocating more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
to this habit, graduates would
easily
learn an international language, which could increase their sense of accomplishment.

However
, most
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
point out that spending
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
doing computer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
would be crucial to enlighten children’s intelligence, and I support their view.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Courses
such as MS word, Programming, and Graphics designing provide additional expertise to professionals, which could be vital for their career.
For instance
, a professional who has completed all these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
apart from their academics has a greater chance to select from a pool of potential job applicants.
In contrast
, if they did not attempt these
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
after finishing with their academics, it would be
extremely
difficult for them to compete with
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
candidates in the job market.

In conclusion
, although
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
prefer to spend a high proportionate of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reading
after graduating, I would argue that computer-related
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
courses
are key to acquire additional qualifications and provide
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
in career progression.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes
Language shapes the way we think, and determines what we can think about.
Benjamin Lee Whorf

IELTS essay Nowadays we see an increase in social problems involving teenagers. Many believe that it is because parents spend more time at work and less with their children. v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
279 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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