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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement In my country young people have a better life today than their parents enjoyed when they were young v.2

In my country young people have a better life today than their parents enjoyed when they were young v. 2
The world has changed in innumerable ways since my parents were in their youth. In my opinion, my lifestyle is superior to the one they enjoyed at that time. I feel this way for two reasons, which I will explore in the following essay. First of all, my generation enjoys a lot more leisure time, which makes our lives more fulfilling and enables us to follow our passions. People today take longer vacations and have more paid time off from from their jobs than either of my parents did while they were still employed. Similarly, we have much shorter working days than they did. For example, nowadays I receive five weeks off from my job each year. I can schedule these holidays as I wish, and even use all of my vacation days at the same time. As a result, I have been able pursue my love of travel. Unlike earlier generations, I have been able to maintain steady professional employment for my whole life so far, and have also been able to visit every continent on earth. My parents, in contrast, were only able to travel following their retirement. At that time, however, their age and physical conditions limited their range of experiences. Secondly, society provides many more opportunities for women and minorities these days. In the past, disadvantaged groups had a tough time achieving personal and professional success. While this is still something of a concern, it is now much easier for members of such groups to follow their dreams. My own experience, is a compelling example of this. When I was a young woman I was encouraged to attend university and later enter the workforce. On the other hand, my mother was expected to raise children and be a homemaker. She dreamed of being a business executive and making a lot of money, but her parents and teachers discouraged her from doing that. Unlike me, she was pressured to give up all of her professional aspirations. Her example demonstrates why my life is preferable to the life which she lived when she was young. In conclusion, I strongly believe that I have an easier and better life than my parents had just a few decades ago. This is because I enjoy much more leisure time than they did, and because women today have many more opportunities than they did in the past.
The world has
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
changed
in innumerable ways since my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
were in their youth. In my opinion, my lifestyle is superior to the one they enjoyed at that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
. I feel this way for two reasons, which I will explore in the following essay.

This phrase is redundant. Consider using "first".
First of all
, my generation enjoys a lot more leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
makes
our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
more fulfilling and enables us to follow our passions.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
People
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
take longer vacations and have more paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
off
Possible typo: you repeated a word
from from
their jobs than either of my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
did while they were
still
employed.
Similarly
, we have much shorter working days than they did.
For example
, nowadays I receive five weeks off from my job each year. I can schedule these holidays as I wish, and even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
all of my vacation days at the same
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
.
As a result
, I have been
The preposition 'to' is required in front of the verb 'pursue'.
able pursue
my
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
love
of travel. Unlike earlier generations, I have been
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to maintain steady professional employment for my whole
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
far, and have
also
been
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to visit every continent on earth. My
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
,
in contrast
, were
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
able
to travel following their retirement. At that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
,
however
, their age and physical conditions limited their range of experiences.

Secondly
, society provides
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more opportunities for women and minorities these days. In the past, disadvantaged groups had a tough
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
achieving personal and professional success. While this is
still
something of a concern, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
much easier for members of such groups to follow their dreams. My
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
experience, is a compelling example of this. When I was a young woman I
was encouraged
to attend university and later enter the workforce.
On the other hand
, my mother was
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
expected
to raise children and be a homemaker. She dreamed of being a business executive and making
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
money,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
her
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
and teachers discouraged her from doing that. Unlike me, she
was pressured
to give up all of her professional aspirations. Her example demonstrates why my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
is preferable to the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
which she
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lived
when she was young.

In conclusion
, I
strongly
believe that I have an easier and better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
than my
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
parents
had
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
a few decades ago. This is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
I enjoy much more leisure
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
time
than they did, and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
women
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
today
have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
more opportunities than they did in the past.
13Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
20Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
3Mistakes

IELTS essay In my country young people have a better life today than their parents enjoyed when they were young v. 2

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
395 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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