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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: Children are benefited in important ways by taking care of pet. v.1

: Children are benefited in important ways by taking care of pet. v. 1
Many people say that pets are humans' best friends. But it might be more controversial to decide whether children can benefit a lot in raising a pet. People may worry that children are after all children, they are too young to do so. However, I believe that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages because of the following reasons. To begin with, I believe raising pets can cultivate many important traits for children. It might be a laborious work to take care of a pet. For instance, if one takes care of a dog, he/she has to feed the dog, walk with it, train it to be nice to other passengers, and visit vets when the dog gets sick, the list goes on. As one can imagine, the happy and healthy growth of a pet takes children lots of time. Nevertheless, it is not only the growth of a pet, but a growth of a child. Through all these uphilling tasks, children learn to be patient, friendly and responsible. All these qualities are crucial for overall developments of children. Currently, employers are seeking exactly these qualities: a nice and responsible person is more likely to cooperate with others thus work more efficiently. Hence, taking care of pets in ones young ages would be beneficial to cultivate important traits and put them in a more favorable position in the job market. Additionally, taking care of pets is conducive to children' s health, both physically and mentally. It is self-evident that training a pet requires lots of physical activities. For instance, training a dog can encourage children to walk out with the dog regularly. What is more appealing is that pets help children to feel happy. My experience can attest to that. When I was 10, I raised a dog as a pet. Everyday I came home from school, my buddy would always run to me and try to give me a welcoming hug. Sometimes I might feel bad when I face an upcoming exam, since after all I am still a fledgling kid and they do not know how to adjust their emotions, these warm hug alleviate my pressure a lot. I still feel touched to recall those fantastic memories. Furthermore, for some children who just go through some mental trauma like some unfortunate death of their close relatives, therapeutic pets are good ways to cure their pain, which could change a child' s life. Admittedly, some people may say that children are too young to take the responsibility of raising pets. They might even get hurt when raising a pet. However, I think it is exactly the sense of responsibility that children could and should learn from raising pets. They may lack expertise but parents and teachers can guide them and together they can work out. Only when they understand that their behaviors are important can they truly take what they do seriously. Moreover, Children may risk of being hurt but I believe that as long as they acquire the basic training knowledge and skills, it is not a big deal to worry about. Above all It is a risk worth taking since children would gain much more from the experience as I mentioned before. All in all, I think we can safely draw the conclusion that children should be encouraged to take care of animals, which benefit them profoundly, especially under the guidance of parents and people in professions.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pets
are
Possible spelling mistake found.
humans&
#039; best friends.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
But
it
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be more controversial to decide whether
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
can benefit a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
raising
a pet.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
People
may worry that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are
after all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
, they are too young to do
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
.
However
, I believe that the advantages outweigh the disadvantages
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of the following reasons.

To
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
begin
with, I believe
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
raising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pets
can cultivate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
traits for
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
. It
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
be a laborious work to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of a pet.
For instance
, if one takes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dog
, he/she
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
has to
feed the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dog
, walk with it, train it to be nice to other passengers, and visit vets when the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dog
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
gets
sick, the list goes on. As one can imagine, the happy and healthy growth of a pet takes
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lots
of time.
Nevertheless
, it is not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
the growth of a pet,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
a growth of a child. Through all these
Possible spelling mistake found.
uphilling
tasks,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
learn to be patient, friendly and responsible. All these qualities are crucial for
overall
developments of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
.
Currently
, employers are seeking exactly these qualities: a nice and responsible person is more likely to cooperate with others
thus
work more
efficiently
.
Hence
, taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pets
in ones young ages would be beneficial to cultivate
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
traits and put them in a more favorable position in the job market.

Additionally
, taking
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pets
is conducive to
Possible spelling mistake found.
children&
#039; s health, both
physically
and mentally. It is self-evident that training a pet requires
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lots
of physical activities.
For instance
, training a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dog
can encourage
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to walk out with the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dog
regularly
.
What is more
appealing is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pets
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
to feel happy. My experience can attest to that. When I was 10, I raised a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
dog
as a pet.
'Everyday' is an adjective, and the comma is missing. Did you mean "every day, I"?
Everyday I
came home from school, my buddy would always run to me and try to give me a welcoming hug.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Sometimes
I
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
feel
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
bad
when I face an upcoming exam, since
after all
I am
still
a fledgling
Use a comma before 'and' if it connects two independent clauses (unless they are closely connected and short).
kid and
they do not know how to adjust their emotions, these warm hug alleviate my pressure a
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
lot
. I
still
feel touched to recall those fantastic memories.
Furthermore
, for
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
who
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
just
go through
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
mental trauma like
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
unfortunate death of their close relatives, therapeutic
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pets
are
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
good
ways to cure their pain, which could
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
change
a
Possible spelling mistake found.
child&
#039; s life.

Admittedly
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
may say that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
are too young to take the responsibility of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
raising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pets
. They
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
might
even
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
hurt when
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
raising
a pet.
However
, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
it is exactly the sense of responsibility that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
could and should learn from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
raising
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
pets
. They may lack expertise
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
parents and teachers can guide them and together they can work out.
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Only
when they understand that their behaviors are
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
can they
truly
take what they do
seriously
.
Moreover
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Children
may
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
of
being hurt
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
I believe that as long as they acquire the basic training knowledge and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
, it is not a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
big
deal to worry about.
Above all
It is a
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
risk
worth taking since
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
would gain much more from the experience as I mentioned
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
.

All in all, I
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
think
we can
safely
draw the conclusion that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
children
should
be encouraged
to take
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
care
of animals, which benefit them
profoundly
,
especially
under the guidance of parents and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
people
in professions.
22Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
52Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
6Mistakes

IELTS essay : Children are benefited in important ways by taking care of pet. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
568 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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