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Some groups of people have benefited from the modern communications technology but some people have not benefited at all Do you agree or disagree v.1

Some groups of people have benefited from the modern communications technology but some people have not benefited at all v. 1
In many large cities around the world, it has become quite common for people to either live alone or in a small family, as opposed to living in large extended family households. This essay will take a closer look at some of the positive and negative aspects that arise with this trend. On the one hand, this trend does have some positive aspects. For example, different generations want and value different things these days. Many young people do not wish to live the traditional lifestyles of their parents and grandparents. Therefore, living alone allows them the freedom to do as they please without having to face constant judgement or criticism. Furthermore, many older people do not wish to live the hectic, fast-paced lifestyle of modern city life and prefer to live a slower-paced, healthier life in the countryside during their retirement. Living alone, or in smaller family groups allows each generation to leave their preferred lifestyle. However, this trend also brings several drawbacks. Firstly, as parents and grandparents get older, they may face a number of physical and mental health problems, and by living alone, they may lack the care and attention they need for their children. Secondly, children will have less interaction and influence from grandparents, and potentially miss out on important life lessons that can be taught from grandparents who have a lot of valuable life experience. Important traditions and customs may also be lost from generation to generation. And finally, living alone, or in small family groups can lead to poor family bonds between generations. In conclusion, I believe that while this trend does bring some benefits, overall they are definitely outweighed by the drawbacks.
In
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
large cities around the world, it has become quite common for
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
to either
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
or in a
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
, as opposed to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
in large extended
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
households. This essay will take a closer look at
If the text is a generality, 'of the' is not necessary. Did you mean "some"?
some of the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
aspects that arise with this trend.

On the one hand, this trend does have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
aspects.
For example
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
generations want and value
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
different
things these days.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Many
young
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not wish to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
the traditional lifestyles of their parents and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
.
Therefore
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
them the freedom to do as they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
please
without having to face constant judgement or criticism.
Furthermore
,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
older
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
do not wish to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
the hectic,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
fast
-paced lifestyle of modern city
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
and prefer to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
live
a slower-paced, healthier
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in the countryside during their retirement.
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
Living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
, or in smaller
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
groups
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
allows
each generation to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their preferred lifestyle.

However
, this trend
also
brings several drawbacks.
Firstly
, as parents and
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
older, they may face a number of physical and mental health problems, and by
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
, they may lack the care and attention they need for their children.
Secondly
, children will have less interaction and influence from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
, and
potentially
miss out on
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
important
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
lessons that can
be taught
from
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
grandparents
who have
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
a lot of
valuable
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
experience.
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
Important
traditions and customs may
also
be lost
from generation to generation. And
finally
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
living
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
alone
, or in
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
small
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
groups can lead to poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
family
bonds between generations.

In conclusion
, I believe that while this trend does bring
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
benefits,
overall
they are definitely outweighed by the drawbacks.
7Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7Mistakes

IELTS essay Some groups of people have benefited from the modern communications technology but some people have not benefited at all v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
278 words
7
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.0
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.0
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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