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The use of violence in music lyrics and, video games and films seen by children is causing concern in many societies. What problems may be caused by this type of violent imagery, and what steps could be taken to lessen the impact on young people? v.1

The use of violence in music lyrics and, video games and films seen by children is causing concern in many societies. What problems may be caused by this type of violent imagery, and what steps could be taken to lessen the impact on young people? v. 1
In recent years, a large number of professionals have been migrating to developed countries in search of greener pastures. This essay will explore two of the main causes of such a shift and provide potential solutions to prevent this trend of migration of doctors and teachers from increasing. Of the various reasons of why some professionals leave their poor nations in order to work abroad, one is better job opportunities in developed countries. In other words, people sometimes do not get paid enough by their own government, and that too with a delay many a time owing to the finalcial crisis in the poor nations. To exemplify, a decade ago, Indian government teachers protested badly against the central government when they were not given their yearly hikes, as a consequence of which many teachers got suspended from their jobs and many others got imprisoned for weeks. The solution to this problem involves authorities investing in priority areas such as technology, education and medication to generate more jobs, instead of investing in fields with comparatively lower significance. With better chances of employment, lesser people will move to foreign lands. Another significant cause of this trend is that many a time individuals get influenced by the pictures on social media posted by their friends depicting better lifestyle and facilities in developed countries. For example, Canada has provided shelter to a large number of Sikh diaspora over the last few decades, and now the count of immigrants in Canada involving Indians is at its peak, and social media is considered as one the major factors in this shift. To combat this issue, government in poor countries should work towards providing similar schemes and facilities they get abroad. This way people might not get lured easily by the foreign lifestyles, and would wish to stay in their mother nation. In conclusion, undoubtedly, higher paid job opportunities and impact of social media content is making professionals seek jobs in richer nations. To deal with this situation, the government in poor nations should invest in areas paving way to better employment corridors and also make efforts towards chalking out new plans to ease the life of their citizens.
In recent years,
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
professionals have been migrating to developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
in search of greener pastures. This essay will explore two of the main causes of such a shift and provide potential solutions to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
prevent
this trend of migration of doctors and teachers from increasing.

Of the various reasons of why
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
professionals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
leave
their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
in order to work abroad, one is
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities in developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
In other words
,
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
sometimes
do not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
paid
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
enough
by their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
own
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
, and that too with a delay
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
a time owing to the
Possible spelling mistake found.
finalcial
crisis in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
. To exemplify, a decade ago, Indian
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
teachers protested
badly
against the central
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
when they were not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
given
their yearly hikes, as a consequence of which
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
teachers
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
suspended from their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
and
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
others
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
got
imprisoned for weeks. The solution to this problem involves authorities investing in priority areas such as technology, education and medication to generate more
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
,
instead
of investing in fields with
comparatively
lower significance. With
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
chances of employment, lesser
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
will
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
move
to foreign lands.

Another significant cause of this trend is that
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
many
a time individuals
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
influenced by the pictures on social media posted by their friends depicting
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
lifestyle and facilities in developed
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
.
For example
, Canada has provided shelter to
Specify a number, remove phrase, or simply use "many" or "numerous"
a large number of
Sikh diaspora over the last few decades, and
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
now
the count of immigrants in Canada involving Indians is at its peak, and social media
is considered
as one the major factors in this shift. To combat this issue,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
countries
should work towards providing similar schemes and facilities they
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
abroad. This way
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
might not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
get
lured
easily
by the foreign lifestyles, and would wish to stay in their mother nation.

In conclusion
,
undoubtedly
, higher paid
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
job
opportunities and impact of social media content is making professionals seek
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
jobs
in richer
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
. To deal with this situation, the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
government
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
poor
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
nations
should invest in areas paving way to
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
better
employment corridors and
also
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
efforts towards chalking out new plans to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
ease
the life of their citizens.
7.5Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
7.5Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
7.5Mistakes

IELTS essay The use of violence in music lyrics and, video games and films seen by children is causing concern in many societies. What problems may be caused by this type of violent imagery, and what steps could be taken to lessen the impact on young people? v. 1

Essay
  American English
4 paragraphs
362 words
7.5
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 7.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 7.5
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 7.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 7.5
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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