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Do you agree or disagree with the following statement: improving schools is the most important factor in the successful development of a country. v.1

: improving schools is the most important factor in the successful development of a country. v. 1
From the down side of humanity, all of people have spent their specified time in the schools in order to prepare for living in the society and choosing their future career. Hence, schools have played an avoidable role in people' s life; having advanced schools is an issue which is much talked not only by sociologist but also other open minded citizens. Therefore, it is hard to reach a consensus whether improving schools is the most significant factor in our life. From my vantage point, I am firmly agreed with the assertion and I will explicate my chief reasons through the following paragraphs. To commence, the first exquisite point that requires to be mentioned is that students who attend schools learn social and communicational skill, which help them to have better life in the future. To elucidate, in our schools, teachers coerce their students to participate at group studies. They encourage them by assigning the extra or top score because of their team working. In other word, students learn some social skills such as making friends, positing their idea, sharing their information and knowledge, and accepting opposite views. Consequently, students who give these dexterous can solve their problems more easily than others who do not have same experiences. Another significant reason why I reckon with the statement is that students can gain some knowledge about cultural and historical backgrounds of their society, which help them to make desirable decisions. A vivid example is that in Japan, all students must pass a various special courses which contributed with cultural, historical and religious concepts. In these courses, they debate on the negative or positive events' consequent, which happened in the past in their country, or discuss about their rituals or beliefs. As a result, these courses teach them how to have open mind and what is very essential or necessary for their country or society. The last but the least reason justifying the claim is that nowadays allocating budget in order to develop educational technologies in our schools is an inevitable factor. Since, these innovative technologies or method make teaching easier than before. All of students know how to use these technologies and are attracted by them. For example, teachers can use internet or other electronical devices in their classes in order to entice student and have practical performances, so schools must update their facilities. Make a long story short, as aforementioned argument, schools are a part of our lives and no one can neglect them. Development societies have high technological schools because they spent a large budget to reconstructing them due to their roles. That was a story in a nutshell; there other reasons and examples, challenging the claim, which are not mentioned above. To wrap it up, I strongly recommend that government consider an adequate budget for their schools in order to reach high level of life standards in their society.
From the
Did you mean "downside"?
down side
of humanity, all of
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
people
have spent their specified time in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to prepare for living in the
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
and choosing their future career.
Hence
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
have played an avoidable role in
Possible spelling mistake found.
people&
#039; s
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
; having advanced
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
is an issue which is much talked not
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
only
by sociologist
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
also
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
This word is normally spelled with hyphen.
open minded
citizens.
Therefore
, it is
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
hard
to reach a consensus whether improving
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
is the most significant factor in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
. From my vantage point, I am
firmly
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
agreed
with the assertion and I will explicate my chief
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
through the following paragraphs.

To commence, the
first
exquisite point that requires to
be mentioned
is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who attend
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
learn social and
Possible spelling mistake found.
communicational
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skill
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to have better
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
in the future. To elucidate, in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
, teachers coerce their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
to participate at group studies. They encourage them by assigning the extra or top score
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
of their team working. In
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
word,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
learn
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
social
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
skills
such as making friends, positing their
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
idea
, sharing their information and knowledge, and accepting opposite views.
Consequently
,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
who give these dexterous can solve their problems more
easily
than others who do not have same experiences.

Another significant
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
why I reckon with the statement is that
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
can gain
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
some
knowledge about cultural and historical backgrounds of their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
, which
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
help
them to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
desirable decisions. A vivid example is that in Japan, all
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
pass a various special courses which contributed with cultural, historical and religious concepts. In these courses, they debate on the
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
negative
or
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
positive
Possible spelling mistake found.
events&
#039; consequent, which happened in the past in their country, or
Did you mean simply "discuss their"? You do not need the word "about" here.
discuss about their
rituals or beliefs.
As a result
, these courses teach them how to have open mind and what is
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
very
essential or necessary for their country or society.

The last
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
but
the least
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reason
justifying the claim is that nowadays allocating budget in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to develop educational technologies in our
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
is an inevitable factor. Since, these innovative technologies or method
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
make
teaching easier than
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
before
. All of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
students
know how to
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
these technologies and
are attracted
by them.
For example
, teachers can
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
use
internet or
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
Possible spelling mistake found.
electronical
devices in their classes in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to entice
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
student
and have practical performances,
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
so
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
must
update their facilities.

This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
Make
a long story short, as aforementioned argument,
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
are a part of our
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
lives
and no one can neglect them. Development
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
societies
have high technological
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
This phrase/word is too simple and can be replaced with:
because
they spent a large budget to reconstructing them due to their roles. That was a story in a nutshell; there
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
other
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
reasons
and examples, challenging the claim, which are not mentioned above. To wrap it up, I
strongly
recommend that
This phrase/word (depending on the context) can be potentially replaced with :
government
consider an adequate budget for their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
schools
in
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
order
to reach high level of
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
life
standards in their
You use this word too often, consider replacing it with
society
.
9Linking words, meeting the goal of 7 or more
39Repeated words, meeting the goal of 3 or fewer
9Mistakes
He who knows no foreign languages know nothing of his own.
Johann Wolfgang von Goethe

IELTS essay : improving schools is the most important factor in the successful development of a country. v. 1

Essay
  American English
5 paragraphs
481 words
6.0
Overall Band Score
Coherence and Cohesion: 5.5
  • Structure your answers in logical paragraphs
  • ?
    One main idea per paragraph
  • Include an introduction and conclusion
  • Support main points with an explanation and then an example
  • Use cohesive linking words accurately and appropriately
  • Vary your linking phrases using synonyms
Lexical Resource: 5.0
  • Try to vary your vocabulary using accurate synonyms
  • Use less common question specific words that accurately convey meaning
  • Check your work for spelling and word formation mistakes
Grammatical Range: 6.5
  • Use a variety of complex and simple sentences
  • Check your writing for errors
Task Achievement: 6.0
  • Answer all parts of the question
  • ?
    Present relevant ideas
  • Fully explain these ideas
  • Support ideas with relevant, specific examples
Labels Descriptions
  • ?
    Currently is not available
  • Meet the criteria
  • Doesn't meet the criteria
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